This post was inspired by the words used to describe the NAMC’s upcoming “Mile for Mothers” Walk - a fundraiser which helps to underwrites a 35 year old program that puts moms first by supporting her wherever her walk through motherhood takes her. Consider donating! (All donations are tax deductible, and any donation over $35 makes you eligible for a NAMC membership.)
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Pop Quiz
As a Mother I have, on occasion:
a.) Left the grocery store because of a toddler meltdown.
b.) Offered my kids candy in the middle of said grocery store to avoid a toddler melt down.
c.) Talked aloud to myself in the middle of said grocery store to avoid a “mommy meltdown.”
d.) All of the above
The correct answer (for me) is: d.) All of the above.
How about you?
Yet when I first entered motherhood, if you would have told me that someday I would:
- Go grocery shopping with three (very crabby, tired and wiggly) kids AND
- Try to “quick fix” an argument amongst them by offering candy AND
- Watch in frustration as they continued to argue AND
- Try (unsuccessfully?) to calm down my own frustrations about the whole silly situation
- THEN ultimately leave the grocery with no groceries at all (because enough was enough!)
I would have told you that you were nuts! No way. Not me. In my mind, at that time, this situation might have indicated a failing grade in motherhood. In my soon-to-be and new-mom mind this type of thing only happened to other mothers.
Definitely NOT to me.
A Parenting Study Guide (The “CliffsNotes” Version)
You would think that there would be a list a mile long of parenting do’s and don’ts in order to help us moms study and ultimately pass the incredibly hard “subject” of motherhood. Yet, in dissecting the whole “grocery store meltdown scenario” mentioned above, I have come to the conclusion that the rules of motherhood are often relational to where you are in your journey as a parent.
There is ALWAYS going to be something that we just don’t get yet. (And quite possibly, never get?)
Personally, this can frustrate me, because I often envision myself as a “rule maker” - not a “rule breaker.” Yet I tend to find myself breaking my own “parenting rules” again AND again!
What’s more, I’ve discovered that what I see as my own parenting rules may not necessarily apply across the board to everyone. It seems in parenting that one mother’s A+ is another mother’s failing grade (and vise versa).
Generally speaking, I’ve found that there is only one rule I ever need to study and remember when it comes to working towards a passing grade in motherhood: Never say Never. Ever.
Making the Grade
Yet, I still wonder, do all these inconsistencies as a mother imply that I am failing as a mom?
As I continue my journey through parenthood, there are just too many things that I never thought I would do that I have now done. Things that were beyond comprehension until I hit a certain point of my career in parenting.
- I NEVER thought I would spend as much time in my car taxiing my kids around.
- I NEVER imagined I would drop my Kindergartner off at a sporting practice instead of staying on the sidelines to watch.
- I NEVER believed that I would use our van’s DVD player as much as I do. (Because let’s face it, sometimes you just need the arguments and whining to END! Period.)
I never thought…
Except now, I have more than thought - I’ve DONE!
Without doubt (most of the time!), I’ve come to the conclusion that doing these things doesn’t make me a bad or failing mom.
In understanding that it is okay to change my mind, I have become more flexible, adaptable, understanding, compassionate and able to prioritize what’s right for me and my family. And the more I choose to walk together with other moms and not judge their individual path of parenting, the more I realize that my own rules need not always apply to everyone.
The bottom line is that the more I learn to bend and break my own rules as a parent, the more I find that I can get down to doing what I do best: Mothering.
Failing in motherhood?
Not me! I am determined to pass with flying colors.
Final Exam Question: What things have you done as a parent that you thought you would never do? Leave your response in a comment!
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
This is so very true.
The ability to be flexible and to parent as needed, rather than “by the book” comes with practice.
And chocolate.
Chocolate, Yes! (But only if you can get through the check-out line in the grocery store - with three crazy, crabby kids - to pay for it!
Hehe!)
What have I done as a mother that I never thought I would do? EVERYTHING! You’re so right, Katie! There are no rules in parenting…only the ones that we make up as we go…the ones that work in the moment and FOR the moment. Junk food? Yep! TV and video games? Yep! Yelling and then feeling terrible about it a moment later? More often than I care to think about.
But with all of those not-so-great moments come the ones that ARE great…and those are the times that I TRY to hang on to!
Couldn’t have said it better Angie! Hang on to those great moments, because it is way easier to recall our faults sometimes then to recall the great moments - and there are often many more “great moments” then we give ourselves credit for…
1.) Never thought I’d try to catch puke with my bare hands
2.) Never thought I could be that tired and still function
3.) Never thought I’d know all the words to Sleeping Beauty
4.) Never thought I could love someone more than Kate. I was wrong… TWICE!
Great post Kate!
Isn’t it amazing how flexible our heart is? We have way more capacity for love then we’ll ever fully be aware of I think…
Love this. And love Kate’s last comment about how flexible our heart is. I was just trying to explain this to a friend.. How parenting was EXACTLY as hard as I had predicted (maybe even harder)… but how I could have never predicted the positive impact - the way my heart has grown.
So happy you enjoyed the post Kelly! I often complain about the hard parts of parenting, but I think that sometimes it is so much easier to mentally plan for the hard parts - and conversely, way less easier to even fathom some of the positive impacts of parenting!