We inadvertently become researchers of life and motherhood when we study our own as well as other mothers’ experiences and journeys.
This is the concept behind our monthly Faces of Mothers’ Center series featuring interviews with different Mothers’ Center members across the nation.
Today we are introducing you to Nissa McKinney, a member of the Athens Mothers’ Center in Georgia. Nissa has two daughters—ages 4 and 21 months. When her oldest daughter was about a year old, she was in “desperate need of adult interaction” and googled local play groups. She immediately found the Athens Mothers’ Center, and eventually gained enough courage to visit the group. Once she did, she was hooked!
Nissa describes herself as: demanding (of herself), yet accepting (of others) and as someone constantly striving for reinvention. Let’s take a few minutes to learn even more about Nissa…
Q: What is one of your favorite memories as a parent?
A: By far, the constant source of entertainment they provide! It usually happens after one of my lower parenting moments (when I’m frustrated and feeling like I could quite possibly put the kids out on the curb holding a sign saying: Free. To any good home). For example, one time my oldest turned to me in confusion after listening to an Adele song. She wanted to know “why Rumor was the one who got all the toys… shouldn’t she share?” Another hilarious example is when I find myself saying something completely absurd such as, “Don’t lick the doorknob” or “Toilet water isn’t for washing hands”.
Q: What is one of your biggest challenges as a parent?
A: My immediate response to this answer is threefold. My challenges have been:
• Learning to become more patient (than I thought humanly possible)
• Learning to enjoy the moment and let go of my (sometimes) unrealistic expectations
• Embracing the roller coaster ride that can be motherhood
However, after thinking more about it, I actually think my biggest challenge has been negotiating the changing relationship with my spouse. Having children has changed the dynamic between myself and my husband. I often find it hard to give anything more to him after giving of myself to our children all day. I try to be mindful of this because one day our children will leave home, and we will be left together with whatever relationship we have built in these years.
Q: What are some of your personal passions, hobbies, and interests?
A: We recently bought an old house, so I’m currently obsessed with renovations and restoration. I’m learning how to disassemble our old windows and re-glaze and replace glass and strip paint (without dying of lead poisoning). I like researching the history of our home and the families who lived here as well. Additionally, whenever I get a spare minute, I like to knit.
Q: Do you see your kids taking on you, your spouse or other family member’s traits?
A: My oldest is very much like me (and her father). She’s curious, smart, a people-pleaser and a rule-follower. I understand her and often feel like I can predict how parts of her life will be due to our similarities. I sometimes have to remind myself that she is not me, and that what I hope and fear for her may not come to be because she is her own person. On the other hand, my youngest is a strange combination of fearless daredevil and clingy mama’s girl. She’s funny, charming and a live wire with a dangerous temper. I admire her bravery and in watching her wish I had been more like her and less cautious as a kid. (How she got this way, I have no idea!)
Q: How has having children changed you?
A: Before kids, I had many ideas on how one should raise kids, be a parent and be a woman.
“Having kids taught me to let that go and better accept
how others are approaching their roles as
a parent, a spouse and a human being.”
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I am much more accepting of different parenting styles and techniques than I was before I had kids. Additionally, I really tend to notice how much influence every choice that I make has on my children — from discipline ultimatums to what we eat for lunch.
Q: Growing up, how do you think you were influence by other women in your family?
A: My mother (a stay-at-home mom for 20+ years) is my strongest motherly role model. I very much follow in her footsteps. I really admire the example she set. In fact, the rules I grew up with are largely the basis for the rules I use now in my own household. I sincerely hope my children will have a similar warm, trusting relationship with me as I did with my mother. One thing I am trying to be mindful of is the void my mother felt when we all left her home. I am trying hard to remember to keep something for myself that is separate from my children so there will be something for me when they have grown up and moved on.
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Thank you Nissa, for your honest and sincere responses to our questions and for sharing your feelings, family and thoughts on motherhood here with us on Mothers Central.
Leave a Comment: Please help us give a warm welcome to Nissa. Do you relate with any of her struggles and successes in motherhood? Let us know in the comments section below!
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Thank you so much for doing such a wonderful job with our interview questions Nissa. It has been great getting to know you (and your family!) through our Mothers’ Center connection and in our work together on this Article!
Nissa- so much of what you shared resonated with me - trying to understand each child and accept who they are - building a relationship with my husband once we had a family - learning to let go of my own expectations for myself. It’s definitely a lot harder than I ever imagined. I’ve made plenty of mistakes along the way, and had to double-back trying to get a “re-do” more than once. It’s really helped to hear other mothers’ stories, and realize that this parenting “stuff” is just really hard sometimes. So thank you for sharing yours so honestly-