What will my own children remember
about growing up in our family?
This reoccurring thought can haunt me when I’m having a “less-than-perfect” parenting day.
- Will my kids remember the occasional rushed school mornings OR the relaxed movie nights?
- Will they have clearer memories of mommy playing with them OR my early mornings working?
- Will our family’s struggles and frustrations outweigh the times of patience and joy?
I’ve spent many-the-challenging-stressful-day contemplating how I can erase some of our more “off” family moments. The reality is though, I don’t truly want to eliminate these memories. (I realize that mistakes and challenges are life’s best teachers.)
I simply don’t want those challenging days to be their first memories when looking back at their youth.
When my worry starts to win out (and my good days feel few-and-far between), I’ve found comfort in remembering my own youth. Experiences such as: Christmas dinners, backyard barbecues, family vacations and visits to my grandparents’ home. True, these experiences don’t tell my full life story. However, the significance lies in that they are the memories I chose to think of the most as an adult.
Come to think of it, in general, I often tend to think more of positive experiences than negative.
We all have bad days. And the truth is, it’s impossible to keep a positive attitude 100% of the time. However, I seem to I have an inherent ability to cultivate and surround myself with positive energy—positive energy which ultimately allows me to move beyond many-a-bad day.
It’s this positive energy which shapes my own memories, and which I hope will be the empowering legacy I pass down to my own children.
Maybe, just maybe, that trait will help them too in shaping their own positive memories of youth?
Leave a Comment: Have you ever worried which of your own “less-than-perfect” parenting days your children may remember from their youth? What are some of your own positive traits you hope to (or maybe already see being) passed down to your kids?
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Did you know…
The NAMC provides Mothers’ Center group members with access to Group Discussion Guides meant to encourage reflection and conversation. The previous post was inspired by our discussion guide: Family Legacy. To download this guide and others, visit the members only section of the NAMC website. Not a member? Learn more about the Mothers’ Center and it’s unique culture by downloading our New Group Start-up Guide here!
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
This is a lovely insight about trusting life as it unfolds. One of my favorite bloggers is Kristin Noelle who writes “Trust Notes.” Here’s a quote that fits today: “Maybe it doesn’t matter whether our lives are unfolding “as they should.” Maybe the real point is that everything - every last yuck we’ve known or can imagine - can become a shining thread in a story we’re so wobbly-kneed, chills-up-and-down grateful to be living.”
- Jan
Love that quote Jan! Thanks for sharing. It can be hard to remember the ability of “yuk” to turn into a “shinny thread,” I’ve found it easier to maintain my optimism when I surround myself with other optimists. Optimism can be extremely contagiousness when plentiful.
It continually surprises me, as my kids get older, the things that they remember and somehow feel define us as a family. It’s not always what you’d expect - sometimes it’s things I’d rather forget- but then I realize that the good times and hard times define us in the same ways. It makes me feel very humbled as a parent- realizing that we don’t control how our kids take us in. But it takes a load off too, knowing that the times I thought things were not going so great - sometimes have turned out to be more than okay. This parenting thing remains a puzzle to me - still wondering what it will look like when and if it’s ever fully revealed.
I feel like the “fruits of my parenting labor” have not quite fully bloomed. Maybe I’ll always feel that way? But as my oldest starts to have more responsibility, this question of “what will she remember” and “will she learn the right lesson from my actions” feels more and more critical. I truly hope that the optimistic outlook of both myself and my husband will impact her character and decisions the most… I guess time will only tell…
A couple of thoughts. I think the very best example of my “parenting” being handed down through my daughter (my sons still have to produce!) is how she has taken on the NAMC’s guideline of non judgement, particularly when it comes to decisions on how to parent and accepting everyone’s right to parent the way the best way they can for their family. She’s doing that wonderfully! I’m very proud.
The Mothers’ Center once told me that the definition of a good parent is doing one thing better than your mother. One of my sons recently affirmed this. I think it was on Mothers’ Day I posted some trivial thing. He responded that I didn’t do so bad. I was the one that when he couldn’t meet his curfew, I extended it. When I told him I didn’t remember what happened, he reminded me that I extended it by 8 minutes and he was able to meet that curfew.
And Kate, unfortunately, one of the things about parenting is that you do have to wait 20+ years to see the fruit of your endeavors. But when it does happen, it’s very rewarding.
I love to hear that the NAMC values that are so vital and important to us as mothers, are being inadvertently passed down to our children who were often surrounded by it as a part of their youth. THAT is fabulous Teresa. Your comment is a success story through and through — a success story of you as a mother, and a success story for the NAMC as an organization. Thank you for sharing it here in a comment!
Sometimes I wonder about the orchestrated holidays and what the children will remember. Will they remember the stress of trying to get everyone looking good and out the door with all the related gifts and food or the relaxed times of sitting by the fire with a new toy with extended family? Will they remember the time we didn’t make it to the holiday parade due to massive meltdowns (including Mommy’s) or the short but relaxing visit to the Toledo Zoo lights? I joke about what will send them to therapy but either way, I guess it will be 20+ years before I find out. Another point of comfort for me is that each child will remember it differently.