School for two out of three of my kids has begun and I, in turn, am (again) preparing myself for yet another change. Sometimes, I admit, I just want to hide away from the harsh and unfriendly winds that bring Change to my door:
“Leave me ALONE!” I want to scream.
“STAY away!” I wish to insist.
“QUIT interfering with MY life!” I feel like demanding.
“Yes! I mean YOU…” (well not you - the reader. I mean you - Change!)
This is often my first instinct when life drops off Change at my doorstep, because very often he comes to our home as an “uninvited house guest.”
Let me introduce you…
Have you met our newest house guest Change before?
Most likely yes. But just in case, let me introduce and reacquaint you with my on-again-off-again friend “Mr. Change.”
Change has some very abrupt and annoying personality characteristics. He is sneaky. He creeps up on you and introduces himself at often the worst times.
Change doesn’t like Preparation. As much as I try to prepare for Change’s arrival (during the very few times he decides to forewarn me of a visit), Change always manages to throw in a curve ball that makes my preparation obsolete.
And Change, well Change REALLY DOESN’T LIKE Routine. In fact, I am fairly certain that Change and Routine can not co-exist together in the same household. (And just so you know, after becoming a mom, I became a BIG fan of Routine.)
Now, to be fair, occasionally Change does display his brighter side - although he tends to not show off his better half until much later after he visits. (Sometimes even years or decades later!)
Change can be very courteous to his host(s) when he’s ready to leave. I’ve noticed, when looking back, that - even though he drops in uninvited and can arrive at any given time day or night - many times Change leaves with a parting gift of greater happiness, increased fulfillment and better understanding.
I’ve also begun to realize that Change tends to enjoy traveling with Growth. (A quality I like to visit my home.)
But, take note, as they don’t always travel together. Sometimes Growth decides to come back later or even skip our home all together for a while. Yet it seems Change much prefers to pave the path for Growth to arrive.
And this brings me back to now… because school has just begun. And Change, even though he announced his arrival plans LONG ago, has once again wreaked havoc in our somewhat settled lives.
Letting Go of Comfort to Open New Doors
Once a year, we as parents, prepare for our children’s adjustment to daily school life - whether it be public school, private school or home schooling. The beginning of the new school year most always brings about Change.
- A change in the use and structure of our daily time
- A change in the friends and people we spend our time with
- And most noticeably for me, a change in the amount of time I get to spend with my children and that my children get to spend with each other.
Change can be exciting!
I’ll admit I even look forward to the impending school year change most times!
But Change can also be scary (for both parents and kids) because, whenever Change comes it usually also means letting go of Comfort. (Something that is extremely hard for me to do.)
Bring it On! (Maybe?)
Really, I am ready for summer to be over.
I am ready to move on.
I am ready for Change and I think my kids are too.
And I realize that the best things in my life have always happened through Change.
Yet as a mother, as a parent, it can be hard to step back and let Change take its course. It can be hard to watch our kids grow, learn and struggle from Change. Most of all, it can be hard to deal with the doubt that the decisions we make as parents are inviting the kind of Change that we would want to visit our kids’ doors.
Although impossible to adequately prepare for, Change is very good at preparation itself.
Change works overtime to slowly prepare us parents to let go of our control and pass off independence to our children. Change also puts in endless hours preparing our kids to gain the courage they need to realize that they don’t always require us parents to answer the “knock at the door from Change.”
So I’m taking deep breaths and biting my tongue. I am working hard not to shout “Go Away!” to Change. I am resisting the urge to hover over my kids as they hop on the bus to school everyday.
As much as I sometimes want to, I can’t stop Change from knocking at my door - or at my children’s doors! Because someday, I’m not going to be around to answer the knock for them anymore.
My oldest daughter and I three years ago on her 1st day of Kindergarten.
What are your thoughts? How do you deal with change? Do you struggle with jumping out of your comfort zone? How do you best help your children better adjust to change?
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey Kate! This is getting eerie-like in church when you are sure the sermon was written specifically for you. To put it in his own words, today is Brian’s “last first day of school”. I knew it was coming but I am totally unprepared. I have no idea what this, next or the year after next will look like (Brian’s first year in college is Karina’s last!). FB has been showing “your status this day in 20xx” and I wish it would show my status this day for the future few years instead of the past ones. It would ease my mind!
I am so happy to hear you related with the post Sheila. I kept seeing all the “back to school posts” on other blogs and Facebook and I just kept thinking - it’s really not all about just going back to school - its about adjusting to change. And adjusting to change can be rough… now HOW can I take a more positive spin on change? When I find myself getting nervous or scared about something - the only way I often can help curb my anxiousness is to look at it from a “glass half full” perspective. Way easier said than done though.
P.S. I saw the Facebook “future status” thing too! It made me laugh… Mine was about my computer returning after having to be in the shop for a couple days and how my husband would definitely “like” this status update
My daughter is a big kindergartner this year. Which involves a new before/after school care facility and riding the bus to school. Of course, she thinks its the coolest thing ever but I freely admit that I am NOT liking this change one bit!
No call is good news at both places b/c it means she arrived at each destination (school in the AM and after care in the PM) as anticipated but not actually walking her in there myself (or having someone that I know and trust do it) has left me a little anxious.
I realize we’re not reinventing the wheel here. This is something that’s been put in place for years and is at this point a well-oiled machine but it’s still the first time MY BABY is doing it and I’m not adjusting well. I don’t want to be that overprotective helicopter-type parent but I am struggling a little.
While I admit change can be good, it’s not at all easy to accept.
Change is definitely NOT easy to accept Tatum. Transitioning to something new like you mentioned in your comment is always so hard (an understatement!). Yet, I actually think it is much harder as a parent to deal with this change then as the child who is actively changing their routine? (Maybe that’s because I am the parent?
)
It’s so hard to let go. But my guess is that your daughter LOVES her day? Just think how much independence she is gaining! I hope that her 1st couple weeks are a success! Good luck.
Since we’re almost 5 weeks in, we’ve totally been “in progress” with this adjustment. It’s hard but nice, too. We needed some structure by the end of the summer!
Yes! I am in need of some structure too! Next week is my week… I feel it! Time to get back to structure - Except: We only have a 4-day school week due to Labor Day. Nothing like truly “easing” in to a little more structure, huh?
>>> Although slow change seems to be a much better adjustment then fast change… right???
What an awesome creative approach to writing about change! I had to laugh about the change and routine not getting along, because it is oh so true
I struggle half the time with changes I’m noticing about myself, like all of the white hairs popping up over my head and the little laugh wrinkles around my eyes, and then I am swamped with all of the youthful changes I observe going on in my daughters’ lives and I can’t help but want to put the brakes on them! I love seeing their growth, and you nailed it when you described how growth and change don’t always move forward together. I see regression and then a huge leap forward again and then regression all over again.
This is a fantastic post about change! I’ve never read anything like it before and it really makes me aware of how many sides change has!
It was fun to give “Change” more of a personality with this post. So glad you found the humor in Change and Routine not getting along… I - like you - had to also LOL when I came to that realization in writing
Thanks Kim!