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Ladies and gentlemen…
The Captain is speaking!
Except that he’s not…
You never realize how important communication is,
until you can’t communicate with someone.
And my youngest (although he understands every word that I say to him) is not quite able to communicate verbally yet.
Physically he communicates: He smiles at appropriate times, he laughs when he finds something is funny, and he has many effective gestures that help such as:
- All done! = Arms go up (or if he’s in a fowl mood the sippy cup gets thrown)
- I want that! = Points to what he wants, along with tapping me on the leg
- I’m mad! = Just a look (every mom knows that look!) followed by a very loud screech
Except, the bottom line is: Although my son can often effectively physically communicate, he hasn’t quite started consistently verbalizing. And it reminds me over and over (and over!) how important effective communication is.
Because I can FEEL his communication frustrations.
No! That’s not what I meant!
When you can’t communicate properly it is FRUSTRATING both for the child and the parent!
And on the flip side, often I find that - like my youngest son - I have my own communication issues.
When it comes to my personal communication as a mom with my own friends and family - I’ve often found that I lack a good, solid communication technique.
I’ve discovered many scientific theories and hypotheses as to why I have problems appropriately communicating as a mother and adult.
Theory #1: Selective Hearing (Not yours, theirs! *)
Case Study: A conversation (if you can call it that?) with my oldest daughter
Me: Please go make your bed.
Daughter: … No response.
Me: (again) PLEASE go make your bed honey.
Daughter: … Blank stare, and again no response.
Me: (a little louder - OK, quite possibly yelling) GO. MAKE. YOUR BED! … NOW!
Daughter: OK, mom! Why are you screaming at me?!
Hypothesis: Active listening and selective hearing are both things that can substantially hinder communication skills as a parent and significantly RAISE one’s communication frustration level.
* OK, sometimes I can have momentary struggles with my own selective hearing? Shhh… don’t tell my husband!
Theory #2: The Memory Gap
(a.k.a. The Black Hole that can sometimes be my brain)
Case Study: A conversation with my husband
Husband: Did you pick-up that birthday gift today?
Me: Ah… what birthday gift?
Husband: Kate, we talked about this last night…
Me: I thought we talked about me going to the bank, going to the grocery story, and then going to the pool with the kids??
PAUSE
Me: Wait… (As I look at my calendar - that I would be lost without)
Husband: (tries very hard NOT to give knowing look)
Me: Oh… THAT birthday gift…
Hypothesis: Three different plausible scenarios to research: a.) The more children the less focus b.) There quite possibly is such thing as “baby brain” (because I swear every time I add another child to the mix my memory has grown worse) OR c.) Multi-tasking sounds effective, but really isn’t …
Theory #3: Lost in translation (Major misinterpretations)
Case Study: A conversation with my mom
My Mother: Take a look at these documents and hang onto them for our vacation.*
Me: Ok (as I put them in my office “inbox” to go through later”) **
3 MONTHS LATER (on our family vacation, the night before we need (?) those “documents”)
Me: Gosh! I can’t believe we are finally here! Yea! Thanks for planning everything mom!
And don’t worry! I remembered everyone’s passports and that brochure you gave me… speaking of… why did I need to bring that brochure with me? It didn’t look that important?
PAUSE (as I look around at everyone else’s “important document pile” which looks way more “important” and overflowing that mine.)
My Mother: Where is your book?
Me: What book? …
My Mother: The book with all your necessary boarding passes and luggage tags!
Me: (Well, lets just say MAJOR freak out session! We won’t go into the details, but you can only imagine.)
Hypothesis: Interpretation can vary depending on one’s state of mind. Oh… and important information SHOULD NOT be dispensed during said work time or while in ANYONE’S office space.
* This is what I heard, apparently this is not what she said… Please replace “hang onto them for our vacation” with “don’t
__forget these, you need them in order to board the ship we are taking on vacation.” (Whoops!)
** Note to self: An overflowing, unorganized inbox is not a good place to put something that actually needs to get done,
__and/or is important in any way, and/or has high value when it comes to international travel.
The Results of My Unscientific Study
From the frustrations of ineffectively communicating with my kids, to my own difficulties in communicating, comprehending and confusing other people’s words and actions - effectively communicating is a constant struggle for me.
Is it motherhood OR me? Did this struggle start after motherhood? Or is it a battle I have always been fighting? (The “black hole” in my mind doesn’t remember!)
My youngest son will eventually learn how to communicate verbally, but will I ever learn to communicate effectively?
What I do know is that as I continue to fill my life with blessings, I also continue to add more “business” to my daily routine. Maybe it’s not motherhood that complicates my struggle with communication, but the addition of responsibilities???
Leave a comment! Do you have trouble communicating? Do you have communication “theories” of your own? What struggles do you have when it comes to effectively communicating with others and do you think effective communication becomes even harder after having kids?
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
What an interesting perspective for mothers, and such an important one. So many times during the day I will feel frustrated that my children just don’t seem able to communicate with me, whether it is finding the words or listening, but to spin the tables like you’ve done in this post and make us consider our own communication handicaps, it really helps me to understand the struggle with communication is a two-way street! My biggest hurdle with communication is connecting my emotional feelings with my rational thoughts and expressing them or sharing them with my husband and family and friends. I think I’ve always found this difficult even before I became a mother. And now that I am a mother, the daily activities wear me down, both mentally and physically, so it makes communicating with adults even harder.
I can recall many times when I haven’t spoken with an adult for days on end (my husband’s absence due to work), and then I get to the grocery store and I literally start to babble. I guess it shows that communication is a constant effort we have to give to make it work
Great post! I will be thinking about this idea every time I feel frustrated about not communicating well!
That is one of the reasons why I love blogging and social media Kim. It often helps me cope with (as you said) “the daily activities that wear me down, both mentally and physically.” It also gives me an outlet to talk with other moms that I might not normally meet (and have MUCH better conversation than at the grocery store - well most of the time! LOL) Communication is definitely a two way street… and frustrating. It’s funny how a 20-month-old boy can remind me of how important communication really is. Now that I think about it, our kids sure have a way of reminding us of the importance a lot of things… don’t they?