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“Don’t forget…”
I began to say, before being abruptly cut off by my oldest daughter who finished my sentence…
“WE KNOW MOM! Look both ways and slow down.” She states with a little annoyance.
“Remember last year?” I gently add, “When your brother fell?” Trying to further justify my concerned warning of safety.
I can just envision my daughter rolling her eyes as she responds with the following, “Mooommm, you remind us of this Every. Single. Time we turn here! WE know! Sl-oooo-ow do-ooown… (she says in her best “motherly” imitation). We GET it!”
I sigh, and still tense up as I remember last summer at this very same spot watching our middle son hit the ground roughly as his bike slid on the loose rubble below while attempting a right turn.
Every time we get to this part of our bike ride I cringe.
I just canNOT get rid of all the imaginary what-ifs from that one fall.
- What if a car had been coming?
- What if our son had not been wearing a helmet?
- What if it had happened not at this turn, but up just a ways on the short part of our ride that isn’t connected by a paved bike path - where cars have been know to drive by at 55 mph!?
What if…
What if’s can drive you nuts, can’t they?
STOP IT!
I force myself to halt my thoughts and instead issue a reminder to my children, “Single file, stay ALL the way to the right! Don’t get too close to the bike ahead of yours…”
And finally, a little more panic-sounding I add,”To the right! Car coming! Stay to the right!”
Of course, the car passes us very slowly, as the driver turns her head giving me a brief smile and a polite wave. Sometimes I just can’t help my panic. I try to remember that hundreds of kids ride their bikes up and down this street all the time. Why am I such a worry wart?
And my momentary panic subsides as we safely cross the road, enter a park, and return to the paved bike path.
To Grow and Let Go
As a mother watching her children continue to grow older and more independent, I go back and forth between wanting to keep my kids safe now, and wanting to teach them how to be safe later.
Children need direction. Children need rules. Children need encouragement, discipline and people who can model right from wrong. I gladly give my kids all these things and more.
However, I know deep inside myself that each of my own children also need one more experience to help them succeed as adults. They need their independence and the ability to know that they can be successful without me always there beside them.
And it is this last thing that is the hardest and most painful experience for me to give them.
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Later that same night, as we slowly travel back home, the heat of the evening and the length of the bike ride are starting to take their toll. We are coming dangerously close to bed time due to a last-minute detour to get ice cream.
Once again we arrive among the aforementioned crossroads - the pathless road filled with loose gravel and the occasional ditch.
Except this time, before I even get a chance to shout out my cautious directions, my oldest daughter yells out to her younger brother:
“Slow down! Look both ways!
And don’t forget about the loose gravel at the end the road!”
And I smile inside, because this time the warning came from her.
My daughter carefully glances back at me with a shy smile, silently seeking approval - not realizing that I see her warnings as somewhat of her own “declaration of independence.”
But underneath that shy, approval seeking smile she understands. And so do I.
Just like learning to ride a bike, in order to let our kids grow, we first have to learn how to let go.
Way easier said than done.
My husband teaching my middle son to ride his bike.
Leave a Comment: As our children learn to live, how do you as a parent learn to let go?
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Another great post Kate and I couldn’t agree more! Learning to let go is WAY easier said than done
Thanks Tatum. I hope you had a wonderful holiday week? We concluded our 4th of July week with yet another family bike ride down that same road and I STILL held my breath and fought back hard to keep my panic in. Each time, the panic gets less and less - but it is still there…
Great post; I love hearing your daughter passing on your lessons at the end. Knowing when they’ve finally “heard” us…it’s so hard to know sometimes. Finding a balance between protecting them and empowering them to be independent is such a subtle and challenging part of parenting for sure!
It is wonderful to know that she was listening Pamela - because sometimes, I am not so sure she really hears what I am trying to teach her. I think our kids listen to us (and watch our actions) WAY more than we know our could even begin to fathom.