Pictured above: Members of the Mothers’ Center of Central New Jersey during a summer pool outing.
Building a social network both for our children and ourselves as parents is an important way
to help break the isolation sometimes felt as a parent.
~
“I wonder where the potty is?” I remember thinking to myself but (luckily) did NOT say out loud. Fortunately I had enough sleep the night before and managed to rephrase my question for everyone else’s ears.
“Excuse me,” I instead said to the small group of new acquaintances whose scrapbook creations bordered the unfamiliar kitchen table, “Could you tell me where the bathroom is?”
It was the fall of 2005, and I had been trying for months to potty train my daughter. It wasn’t going very well, but the word “potty” was repeated frequently in my everyday vocabulary. Even on the rare night when I was without my toddler (such as scrapbooking that evening), I found it somewhat difficult to adjust my typical (and habit forming) mom-of-a-potty-trainging-2-year-old-vocabulary.
As I found my way to “the potty” I smiled in my mind recalling my narrowly diverted vernacular mishap, but held my giggles at bay.
~
Upon returning from my short “potty break” I glanced around at the small group of mothers, most of which I had just recently met. They were all a part of the Mothers Center group I had joined only a few months ago as a targeted attempt to get out of my house at least once a week.
You see, my first couple years of parenting had felt somewhat isolated. I spent much of my time in the newly remodeled basement of our 1950′s home either:
- Staring at my computer while working in my basement’s windowless home office
- Sitting in the downstairs family room keeping my newborn-turned-toddler entertained
- Exercising in the aforementioned room in an attempt to miraculously find my “pre-baby” body
- Washing laundry in the lower level utility room (continuously shocked at how much laundry 3 people produced)
My basement cellar had quickly progressed from: Pride-and-joy household investment to: fully furnished, meticulously decorated prison cell.
Who had time for friends and other self-gratifying hobbies (like scrapbooking) with a part-time job, laundry, annoying exercise habits and a small child? Not me! (I recalled thinking.)
Maybe… this is what the “grown-up” life of a mom
was supposed to look like?
~
So for a while, I did the best I could. I smiled a little. I giggled even less.
Until one day I just couldn’t tolerate it anymore. I decided to look for a way to escape my basement “hole” and was fortunate enough to have found the Mothers’ Center, and ultimately…
This is how I ended up scrapbooking a few short months later with near strangers.
~
Despite the occasional tongue bites to keep my “potty mouth” to myself, the scrapbook outing had been a success - both as a means to build my photo album and an opportunity to build small friendships.
Eventually though, the rare evening sans kids began to reach a conclusion and our conversations started to wrap up. It had felt good to get out and share a few scarce and genuine smiles. I began to slip on my coat and was saying my goodbyes, when the mom to the right of me interrupted my departure with a quick question.
“Will you show me the bathroom on your way out? I have to go potty…” she said.
Instantly a smile emerged on my face and I started to giggle… wait, not just giggle… my own laughter thundered as I thought about how the same words had nearly tumble out of my own mouth at the beginning of the night.
When I did finally managed to catch my breath, I jokingly declared to the others (who by this time were also uncontrollably laughing) “This way madam. Let me direct you to the potty!” Followed by an immediate brake into another fit of giggles as a tear of laughter continued to trickle down my check.
It felt GOOD to laugh.
To not just laugh, but to bellow in hysterics.
With other adults.
It had been way. Too. Long.
And at that moment I realized both the importance of having a network of friends and the healing nature of laughter. Right there and then, I chose to reclaim my laughter. I would never let myself sit in isolation that long again.
Leave a Comment: What were your 1st couple of years like as a new parent? How much importance did you place on maintaining or finding friendships to help you through the times of isolation that can sometimes accompany motherhood?
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Why not join us for the next NAMC Webinar!
On Wednesday, February 6th, the National Association of Mothers’ Centers will be hosting a webinar entitled: The Ultimate Tool for Success - Emotional Intelligence. Imagine being able to go through life equipped with the ability to understand yourself and others and communicate effectively. Webinars are FREE to NAMC members and only $20 for non- members. To register and get more information click here.
