NOTE: In 2010 Ellen Galinsky (president and co-founder of the Families and Work Institute) released a book and video series called Mind in the Making. The information addressed was meant of provide research and offer concrete skills which parents could use to better produce environments that our children would thrive in. In 2013 the NAMC was chosen as a grant recipient to help translate Ellen Galinsky’s book and video series into discussion guides for our membership. The resulting discussion guides have now been utilized in multiple Mothers’ Center groups across the nation.
Below is the first in a series of 7 posts exploring the Mind-in-the Making Curriculum.
Essential Life Skill 1: Focus and Self Control
This past Wednesday, my 4-year-old:
- “Accidentally” broke the laundry room door
- Inadvertently turned on the Gas Fire place (a BIG no, no!)
- And somehow managed to completely clear off our family days-of-the week dry erase calendar
(which was way over scheduled anyway, initially causing me to sigh in relief until panic hit about what we might miss!)
24-hours a day, 7 days a week… in theory, it sounds like a lot of time. However, in reality I often wish for an extra hour or an 8th day.
There are constantly different pieces of life vying for my time and attention.
Keeping focus can be a challenge—especially when:
one child needs help with homework,
at the same time as another child wants a snack,
at the same time that a third child needs batteries for the Wii Remote,
and the washing machine buzzer goes off,
and a last minute work-related “fire” comes up.
(Sound at all familiar?)
This past Wednesday, I was distracted.
I had too much going on and was definitely not fully present. Typically, after days and weeks like this my kids begin to act out, if only in small ways. Thus, the true explanation of the previous Wednesday’s not-very-magnificent-mommy-vs-4-year-old-parenting-moments.
The first skill that Ellen Galinsky’s Mind in the Making book discusses is: Focus and Self Control (something I was obviously having difficulties modeling to my kids last Wednesday…)
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LIFE SKILL 1: FOCUS AND SELF CONTROL
Skill Description: Paying attention, remembering, thinking flexibly and exercising self-control.
Research Says: The more penetrating a child’s attention, the richer and deeper their learning is. Additionally it’s been found that by improving a child’s ability to pay attention, children’s self control, reasoning and thinking skills also improve.
What Parents Can Do To Improve This Skill:
- Weave games into everyday life that require children to pay attention, remember rules and follow directions. (Puzzles, freeze dance, I Spy, Red Light/Green Light, Simon Says)
- Change up game rules so kids don’t go on auto-pilot (Simon Says - Do the Opposite, tongue twisters, sorting games where you first ask them to sort by color and then by shape)
- Consider distractions in the play and homework environment (Some TV and computer games can promote focus, but research shows that background television can be disruptive to focus.)
- Encourage kids to pursue what interests them. (Working on a challenging lego project, having a lemonade stand or perfecting their soccer kick… doing what they enjoy will motivate them and naturally build focus.)
Bottom Line: Paying full attention is a gift we give ourselves and others
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I know modeling focus and self control is not always easy.
For me, this 1st skill provide me with hope — hope that there are other ways to supplement my not-so-proud-role-modeling moments which will encourage my children’s own focus and self control.
Because unfortunately sometimes the old saying is true:
Do what I say, not what I do.
Leave a Comment: Are your children aware when you are distracted? What ways do your children signal they want your attention?
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Did you know…
The NAMC provides Mothers’ Center group members with access to Group Discussion Guides meant to encourage reflection and conversation. The previous post was inspired by the Mind in the Making Discussion Guide and Curriculum. To download this guide and others, visit the members only section of the NAMC website. Not a member? Learn more about the Mothers’ Center and it’s unique culture by downloading our New Group Start-up Guide here!
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Kate, I am so glad you are posting on this topic — I was just saying last weekend that I need to make time to read this book, and here is a little nibble to wet my appetite!!!! Thank you!!
You bet! The series will continue over the next several weeks so we’ll get to introduce all 7 Skills. Stay tuned Lori!
Great reminder to get rid of the distractions for me & the kids!
I need ongoing reminders of that Teresa!