~Pictured Above: Bexley Mothers’ Center is a small (but mighty) group of mothers. Located just outside the boarders
of the city of Columbus, Ohio, they are bound together by the need for a community of support in their roll as caregivers.
Regardless of size, space or meeting frequency, the foundation of every Mothers’ Center is support.
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“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.”
~ Karen Kaiser Clark
I heard it LOUDLY tumble down, and from the corner of my eye I saw the culprit - the toddler of destruction (my then 2-year-old) towering over the city of blocks like Godzilla.
My five-year-old, the master architect, leapt across the basement floor. “Noooooo!” he screamed as tears filled his eyes. “Momma! Look what he did!”
To say he was disappointed would be an understatement.
Part of me joined him in his sadness. We had built that city together - every skyscraper, every bridge, every nook and cranny. He had been playing with that “block city” for the past couple of days, however in a household containing 3 kids and a very curious dog it had certainly outlived its maximum life expectancy.
“Mom, you HAVE to help me rebuild it!” He commanded.
But it was getting late. I had baths to give, dishes to wash and diapers to change. I just wasn’t up to the challenge. “Sorry honey, it’s too late. Maybe I can help tomorrow. You can try to rebuild it yourself?” I gave him a reassuring hug and headed towards the stars with my monster toddler in tow.
I could tell my son was carefully weighing his options, trying to decide whether it was worth his time and energy to rebuild.
An Unexpected Rebuild
Rebuilding… not something I am unfamiliar with.
A few years ago, my own life was filled with a ridiculous amount of personal change. Blocks seemed to be tumbling down every which way. People and places I once relied on, were no longer available and I was desperately searching for something new to focus my attention on.
Prior to this life change, I had only occasionally participated in my local Mothers Center group. I hadn’t really invested a lot of emotional energy in the form of a larger volunteer role.
“This is my year!” I concluded one day (in an attempt to rebuild my optimism and focus), “This is the year I will get a little more involved, meet new friends, and rebuild the support I needed as a parent.” And with that I unknowingly dove head first into a seemingly small(ish) volunteer position.
As “luck” may have it, my year to “get a little more involved” happened to be a year where the group’s membership began to suffer. Members who had lead the organization for some time now had either moved out of town or moved on in life and were no longer as active.
- Planned events (which used to have participant waiting lists) were now frequently cancelled.
- Our meetings (which took place weekly) were becoming sparsely attended.
- And membership was quickly falling.
Until eventually the group had dwindled down to a handful of sole survivors who - like me - hadn’t intended to be left standing alone. I remember thinking (selfishly?): OF. COURSE. this would happen… just when I needed the support of this group the most.
In hindsight, the fact that I (and the few remaining others) still needed the group’s support - is exactly the reason that we survived.
Rebuilding Support
How do you rebuild when you feel somewhat unqualified to do so? How does a small group accomplish what in the past was fulfilled by twice the amount of individuals?
The answer (learned through trial and error) is: You don’t. (At least not in the same way.)
We started by rebuilding elements which we personally enjoyed most (if we enjoyed them maybe others would too?). We tried not to get caught up in “how things used to be done” (because obviously, things weren’t the same anymore).
As a handful of members turned “unintentional leaders”, the only thing we knew for certain was that what we personally wanted and needed most was the support of friendship through parenting. So we focused on supporting each other (and the mothers who visited our group) by offering a welcoming and non-judgmental environment. Somehow we knew, if providing welcoming and non-judgmental support was good enough for us, than maybe (for the time being) it would be good enough for others.
As it turned out, that simple component was what other mothers wanted and needed. Gradually the group began to rebuild and grow.
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Later that night (after the destruction of Godzilla - a.k.a. the 2-year-old toddler of terror), my 5-year-old ventured up the stairs of our basement. “Mom! You have to come see my new block city!” (Apparently he had decided that rebuilding the city was “worth it”.)
I followed him down the stairs and walked into the toy area where I saw a gigantic, slightly unstable tower. “Wow!” I exclaimed. “That is tall! Where is the rest of the city though?”
“I decided to make it just one giant tower! This is so much cooler!” He proudly announced as he quickly turned around to point towards it, inadvertently brushing his finger on the tower top.
I held my breath as I watched the 3 foot tower waver back and forth… and then tumble to the ground. I paused, awaiting the tears that would surely follow. Yet the tears never came.
“Oh, man!” He said. “I guess I’ll need to do it again… Wait! I have a better idea.” He exclaimed as he simply went back to his architectural planning.
As he began to rebuild his structure from scratch, you could see his mind planning it - even bigger and better. My son needed that challenge that went with the build.
Just like I needed the support that went with my Mothers’ Center.
Leave a Comment: How do you know when something’s worth being rebuilt? Have you ever been a “sole survivor” left to rebuild something mainly because you had a need?
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Awesome! Thanks for sharing! I needed that!!!
You bet! You are going to do just fine Criss. I commend you on taking the 1st step towards the support of yourself and other local moms!
A beautiful post! A phrase that gives me hives is “We’ve never done it that way before.” or some variation of that. I feel the phrase We tried not to get caught up in “how things used to be done” (because obviously, things weren’t the same anymore). is the truest thing in the world. And the fact ‘your little architect’ could see that too, even cooler.
Adapt, connect, and grow! Great stuff!
Adapt. That is the perfect word Luke. The perfect word!
P.S. I think “little architects” like my own little guy sometimes do WAY better at adapting than us “old folk”. Sometimes I feel like we adults grow up and we lose that flexibility muscle unless we “work it.”
Wow! This is so insightful and full wisdom for life. It never ceases to amaze me how much we can learn from our experiences as mothers and from our children when it comes to how to approach life and manage through inevitable change and other stressful events. Nothing in life is permanent or guaranteed. We would all do well to learn from this post, or remind ourselves of the lesson (since it’s one that can be easy to forget when you get attached to the tower). Thanks Kate!
So glad you enjoyed the post Catherine. Again and again I see the lessons that my children learn through a new lens - and often, these lessons seem to be lessons that I too need to keep re-learning or reminding myself of.
What a great story, Kate. I think you’re right on when you suggest a group doesn’t have to accomplish what it used to accomplish; life happens, members’ needs change and groups evolve. Just encouraging participation at whatever level is a good thing.
Exactly Jennifer. Too often people take on something thinking they have to keep it constant… when change, can sometime be the best thing to happen to a group. I love your use of the word “evolve” – that is the perfect word to describe how our center adapted to change!