“The only way to have a friend is to be one.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
(NOTE: If the above quote is true, than I might be in trouble…)
“Bing!” … another email.
“Ring!” … another phone call.
“Tic Tock,”… another minute closer to my deadline.
These were the noises of my busy afternoon until eventually I heard: “Mo-oomm-ma-aa!” through the monitor in my home office, breaking the afternoon “silence” of my unproductive workday. I tried to force acceptance that my toddler’s on-and-off-again afternoon nap was over for the day, yet in many ways I felt defeated - overwhelmed by:
- Too little time
- Too much unintended multi-tasking
- And a feeling of Way. Too much. Left to do.
The reality was there had only been one thing slated for my afternoon work day - to write this post (a post on the topic of friendship). A post which turned out to be much harder than anticipated because lately I have been making many more withdrawals from the “Friendship Bank” than deposits.
The Luxury of Friendship.
Becoming a “bad friend” is a very easy habit to slip into.
One can simply get too busy with work, with family, with life in general. And then, when we do manage to finally take a few extra moments out of our increasingly busy days to contribute funds to the “Bank of Friendship”, oftentimes one ends up doing a little too much talking and not enough listening - making the intended deposit much less valuable.
Being a friend and maintaining relationships takes energy, and these days my energy seems a hot commodity that can very quickly be consumed by the juggling of motherhood and work. At the end of my day what I most often want is just a little bit of silence in the comfort of my own bed.
Weeks can go by between making deposits into any of my own “camaraderie accounts”. Days may pass where the closest contact I have with friends might be the 5 minutes I spend in the preschool drop off line or a brief mid-day work break to play “Words with Friends” on my phone.
Have you ever noticed that when you need friendship most,
you often utilize it the least?
There is always an excuse:
- You’re too tired
- You simply just don’t feel you have enough time
- Dinner has to get started
- You have grocery shopping to do
- Your child has a soccer game, or a basketball practice or a music class to be driven to
- Your volunteer or work responsibilities just keep piling up
Time and time again you find yourself saying: Maybe, if I just spent a little more time getting a little more of all this done THEN I could arrange to meet a friend?
Lately (for me) the lofty goal of “THEN”… rarely seems to arrive. Days end in exhaustion as time keeps endlessly ticking and dinner continues to need serving (while simultaneously lining up another carpool and facing more looming deadlines).
Friendship can sometimes feel like an impossible luxury.
Maintaining a Balanced Account
There were days (not that long ago) when maintaining friendships seemed easier. I know in the past that I’ve added a lot of “deposits” into various relationship banks. I’ve had moments when I’ve been able to listen more, when I’ve required less from my friends, when I’ve been able to invest more in the maintenance of my relationships and when I’ve done much better at prioritizing friendship.
I wonder if I’ll look back at this time of my life and think: well, that wasn’t so hard. (You know, in the same way you look back at other exhausting periods during emotionally draining “investments”? Times that in hindsight look so easy compared to what you’re juggling today.)
The fact is: there will always be days when you simply need a friend tossed in between the days when you can be a friend.
I certainly hope that what I have saved up during my wealthier days as a friend, is enough to live on until I can make another deposit.
Or maybe… I need to look at purchasing “overdraft protection”?
Leave a Comment: How do you make time for friends in order to contribute more to your “camaraderie account”?
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
“Friendship can sometimes feel like an impossible luxury.”
This was the perfect post for me right now! I know how valuable friendships are but with a new baby at home and a first grader (who seriously has more of a social life than I do!) I just don’t have the time to connect and catch up as much as I’d like. Lately most of my contact with friends is via Facebook, text or like you, Words with Friends
Hopefully my true friends understand and will still be there even though I’m not doing a lot of “depositing” at the moment!
See! You’re not alone! You’re not the only one… For me, I hadn’t realized how much I had been “dragging” in the friend department until I began to really struggle with writing this post. Life gets busy - but I am always so thankful for my friends, especially my Mothers Center friends. Whenever life gets busy, they always seem to be there for me when I return. In fact, most of the time - they are the friends who remind me of my need to return and also that I am missed
I miss you on Words With Friends Tatum! I’ll have to start a new game up with you (since we both seem to communicate much better that way) Ha!