Imagine this: It’s the end of the school year, and I’ve been on the phone ALL afternoon trying to schedule one last volunteer to help at my daughter’s end-of-year elementary school carnival.
(That’s all I need! Just ONE MORE volunteer to POOF! - “magically appear” - beyond the already 140 parent volunteers that I have found so far!)
As I sit scanning the school directory in the hunt for one last sucker volunteer, the telephone rings.
Anxiously I pick it up, in hopes that the voice on the other end is one of the half a dozen parents that I left messages with.
“Hello?” I say hopefully.
“Is this Kate?” The woman asks just as hopefully.
“Yes!” I answer.
THIS IS IT! I’ve found my last needed volunteer!
(A sense of relief builds up knowing I am almost done with my recruiting!)
“Hi Kate! So glad I got a hold of you! This is Sarah - our daughters are in the same 2nd grade class together at school!?” exclaims the cheery mother’s voice.
Wow! I’ve found a volunteer AND she is excited about it!
I quickly interrupt her with:
“Hi Sarah! Thanks so much for calling me back! All I really need is one more parent volunteer to work the last shift of the carnival!”
I start to break off into my now memorized spiel of: when to be there, what the duties are, how to check in, who is in charge… etc., when suddenly the voice on the other end of the phone interrupts me…
“Um, Kate?” She slowly and less enthusiastically says, “I actually was calling to see if you could help with the 2nd grade end-of-year teacher gift and party?”
—
Why is it that one of the first words that comes SO easily to our children is the word “NO!” Yet for some reason, as an adult, I have a terrible time myself saying this word when it comes to volunteering?
Pulling a Rabbit from a Hat (… and Other Impossible Tricks!)
Last week I posted here about how I was going to work on reinstating “free days” back into my life. Maybe another way to gain more “me” time AND more family time is to also just say “No!” more often.
Yet saying “No!” is a much harder trick than it sounds.
- I want to be an involved parent.
- I want to help out with my children’s schools and extracurricular activities.
- I want to be an active member within my community.
I see all these as great opportunities to both advocate for my own children and also keep me informed on issues that affect my kids.
Yet my time is precious, and I have to better learn when to say no - along with becoming more cognizant of my own personal limits. I can’t do everything and also do everything well.
Abracadabra! The Disappearing Act
Just as one person can’t possibly do everything and do it well, one person also can’t possibly be everywhere all at the same time. That would require magic beyond the normal powers of motherhood! And, trying to be everywhere all at the same time also can unfortunately result in a few unintentional “disappearances” (a.k.a. Oops-guess-I-missed-that?! moments)
So often I have to first make a mistake, before I realize that I need to make a change. About a year ago I started stretching my limits a bit too far.
I was:
- Helping to lead the local chapter of my Mothers’ Center organization
- Heading up the Room Reps for my daughters elementary school parent organization
- Volunteering as the Secretary of a district-wide parent school leaders committee
- Donating my time as Secretary for my son’s Preschool Parent Board
(Not to mention my full-time job as a wife and mom of 3, my part-time job as a college adjunct faculty instructor, and my on-and-off job as Sole Proprietor of my own freelance graphic design business.)
What was I thinking???
After completely forgetting a meeting for the preschool parent board and also failing to remember a party that I had RSVP’ed for my daughter to attend, I started to realized that I was in WAY over my head.
I have felt overwhelmed before, but nothing feels worse to me than not being able to follow through with a responsibility that I’ve committed to. I had to learn the hard (and somewhat humiliating) way that I was WAY too over committed.
The Power of Just One Word
I will always remember that moment where I forgot to take my daughter to a party, because - among other things - this was the point when I started to learn how to better say “No!”
Volunteering shouldn’t be at the expense of your own family. Forgetting a meeting… not good. Forgetting to take my daughter to a birthday party? Just ridiculous.
N.
O.
Two letters that have way more power then one would ever guess.
- The power to give you relief (when you’re overwhelmed)
- The power to regain control (when you have lost your way and felt like a crazy mom!)
- The power to pick and choose what you spend your time on (believe it or not, there was a time when I didn’t even realize that I could say no?!)
- And most importantly: The power to give more time to yourself and your family
We are each just one person. In my opinion, it is an illusion to believe we can do everything and do it well. It’s an impossible trick!
TaDa! - When “Yes!” is Still Best
I do still say yes.
The great poet, civil rights activist and educator Maya Angelou, once said:
“I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands.
You need to be able to throw something back.”
And I totally agree!
If I take what I love to do and focus in on that as much as I can … Tada! Voila! That is where I can make a difference. That is where the power of the word “No!” becomes even more powerful - even MORE magical.
Because when I say “No!” to something, it’s actually allowing me to say “Yes!” to what I really want to do with my time.
Leave a Comment! How do you work to not over extend yourself? How do you decide what should be a priority and what could be left to somebody else. Have you ever had your own “oops-guess-I-missed-that?! moment?”
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Another GREAT one!!!!!
A great post, although I find it easy to say “no.” Might come from my husband’s occupation? I actually found that after we had a kid it was easier to say “no” to some requests-”sorry, baby goes to bed at 7, sorry, naptime!”
Ha! Once again it is like you have read my mind! I have often felt myself telling the kids way to often, “Just a minute… I just have to get this done!” I find I go through waves of doing way too much and periods of being really good at saying “no.” I have very recently realized how much I worry about all the things I have yet to accomplish with a project or group and feel the need to make it all “right” before I hand off responsibilities… other people can do things too! It is not all my “responsibility.”
That, to me Jessica, is the hardest part of saying no - letting go of something and worrying that it won’t get taken care of properly. Yet, I feel I have started to learn from letting go too… I’ve learned that when I am slated to take over something, to constantly still be conscious that I won’t ALWAYS be the person in charge of it. And that the duty I am taking on is not “mine” but “the groups.”
Oh, and: “Just a minute…” how I loath those words. I say those words TOO much! And when I notice myself saying them constantly to my kids, that is a sure sign that I am in “over my head!”
Thanks for the comment!