I am the first to admit that I have some bad habits.
For instance:
- I often need time to process change. (I have bad first reacations, yet many times my first reaction does not always reflect what I decide to do after further thought.)
- Sometimes
I am a little bit of a perfectionistI like things to be “just so” and my patience is, well… let’s just say - a work in progress. - I have a tendency to bite my fingernails.
I could tell you stories about how these bad habits display themselves through my actions on a daily basis. I know these characteristics about myself and realize that these habits are just a part of me. I accept them, yet I also try to work occasionally at challenging them.
Prior to having kids, I never considered how much all of my habits (both good and bad) might also impact my own children.
Bad Habit #1: Time to Process…
When my oldest daughter was in preschool every morning we would have the same argument about what she would wear to school. Most days it did NOT end well - I would be frustrated, she would be crying, and we would race out the door late to preschool because of it.
This happened daily until finally I found a solution: Our days-of-the-week sorter.
We purchased this contraption (shown above), and now every Sunday I spend 5-10 minutes laying out my daughter’s weekly outfits. What I’ve found is that my daughter doesn’t care that I pick out all the outfits - she just likes that she knows ahead of time what she’s wearing for the week.
She needs time to process things.
Sound familiar?
OK. So she inherited this from me. I get it. Problem solved, lets move on.
Bad Habit #2: Perfectionist Tendencies…
Midway through my daughter’s 1st year of Kindergarten, she began taking piano lessons. Every morning she would get up, dressed in her pre-established “day-of-the-week outfit” and then after breakfast, we would sit down to practice piano together.
And again, every morning became a struggle. She loved piano, but was frustrated because the song did not sound the way it was supposed to the first time she played it.
She wanted it to be perfect the 1st time. Learning the patience to practice and get over that initial learning curve was NOT easy for her.
My daughter and I performing a duet at her 1st piano recital.
Perfectionist tendencies… I know, I know… chip off the old block.
Darn.
OK. Moving on again.
Bad Habit #3: Nail-biting…
Then one day, when my daughter was in 2nd Grade, I went to trim her nails… and she had none.
And that’s when I thought… is it actually possible to inherit a nail-biting habit?
Magnifying our Habits
Do children pick up habits by watching the adults that they surround themselves with, or because they inherited some crazy “nail biting (or you fill in the blank) gene?”
These days, as my daughter continues to get older and form her own personality and habits, I am becoming more and more aware of my own actions and what she sees me doing - mostly because I am noticing that many times what I do has an eerie way of showing up again through my children.
And more times then I would like to admit sometimes, I’ve concluded that my actions - don’t always reflect my expectations.
I’m not always proud of my perfectionist tendencies, my overreactions due to the need to process new information over time, or my bad nail biting habit. I understand that these are characteristics that I should continue to reflect on and challenge.
However, being the somewhat obsessive planner that I am, I will admit to a small sense of gratification at observing my daughter’s infatuation with our family calendar and with erasing things from our family to-do list after we have completed an activity…
Hmm… Children definitely have a way of magnifying our own actions.
Leave a Comment: Do you think your actions as a parent speak louder than words? What habits do you see your own children picking up from you? How much of these habits do you believe to be passed down as a hereditary trait versus a learned trait?
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
This made me laugh. Especially because I see so many of my traits (unfortunately both good and bad) in my daughter! Some of it is hereditary for sure but think most of it is learned. Some of the things she says and does while playing “Mommy” to her babies have been a real wake-up call. There’s no denying she’s being me and it isn’t always pretty
I always have to remind myself that they absorb more than we think!
P.S. We have the same argument about clothes every morning! I am so getting one of those organizers
Our children definitely do absorb WAY more than we think!
P.S. Those organizers are amazing and “saved the day” with my daughter.
We also have one for my son, and I will definitely get one for youngest son when he starts preschool too.
This is so true! My daughter is obsessed with cleaning up her dirty hands and picking stuff off of the floor, which I love, but gets easily frustrated when trying a task she isn’t perfect with at first (puzzles, stuck clothing items). And the phrases of mine that show up in her vocab…she channels me. At times, it’s unnerving! Great post!
It is so interesting (and a little scary!) to see which of our habits our children choose to pick up. I do think some habits and traits are hereditary, but each day I believe more and more of their budding personalities are less from their gene pool and more from their observation pool…
Goodness, there’s so much of me in this post! Largely because I too am a perfectionist and my eldest is indeed my MiniMe. He’s impatient, he needs things “just so” and yet there’s a big rebellious, stubborn streak. When I see him growing impatient with me or my husband, I cringe as I hear some of my sharp words come out of his sweet little mouth. As far as whether I taught him those habits, I think it’s a bit that he came wired that way and he is following my example. So in the nature vs nurture question, I say: Both.
I agree that it is a little of both, although I have to say that I tend to lean towards a little more nurture and a little less nature. Isn’t it amazing to see a “MiniMe” in our children? (Kind of scary!)