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When my first child was born I was overwhelmed and unprepared.
And this was something that was hard for me to deal with, because I can be somewhat of a perfectionist when it comes to preparation.
I naively thought that I was prepared for parenting because I had:
- Babysitting experience with both infants and children as a teenager and young adult
- “Graduated” from all the appropriate parenting classes for moms-to-be prior to giving birth
- Taken care of our puppy when my husband and I (before having kids) decided to get a pet
Me with my “first baby” - our puppy (before kids)
I know, in hindsight those qualifications are somewhat laughable.
Yet in my defense, up until I had kids, I felt I had ALWAYS been able to somewhat properly over-prepare for things. (Personal note: if you haven’t guessed this yet, I am somewhat of a obsessive planner.)
Little did I know that planning for parenthood is somewhat unfeasible.
Dealing with the Unknown
In fact, when it comes to preparing and planning in parenthood, the process is just a little bit different - no, strike that - A LOT different than the other things I had planned and prepared for in my own life.
And here is why: Techniques for “parenting preparation” are not fool proof. They are very rarely even accurate because every parenting technique is so individualized. In addition to this, most of the time the problems that arise aren’t even remotely foreseeable! For example:
- One can’t possibly prepare for the day their middle child sneaks a pair of scissors to cut his already very short hair down to the scalp.
- One can’t begin to make provisions to avoid a child’s broken bone during an otherwise, seemingly safe neighborhood game of kickball.
- And one most definitely can’t be fully ready for the ache in the pit of any mother’s stomach when their child comes to them with a “life problem” that YOU just can’t fix for them. (This is the hardest for me!)
I have to admit, now that I think about it, there are very few things anyone can fully prepare for in parenting. But really, in general, what IS the best way to prepare ourselves for the unknown?
So, I have found myself in search of some guidance and truths when it comes to dealing with these unknown factors in motherhood. And here is what I have discovered…
#1: Education is an Ongoing Process
Every time I start to think I might be getting this whole “parenting thing” down-pat, something else happens that shows me how far away from that reality I really am.
I’ve succumbed to the idea that I will be a “lifetime learner” in the field of parenting, and I will always be working to further my education and knowledge because the amount of things one needs to learn about this job is never ending.
I have also come to the conclusion that there is NO way possible to know every single toy recall, hidden household toxin, or dangerous substance out there. This is my reality.
So instead of letting all these things overwhelm me, I attempt to do the best I can to educate myself through reading, listening to other mothers’ experiences and stories, and picking up multiple layers of knowledge when and where I can.
And, just as important as lifelong learning, is accepting that I will make mistakes…
#2: Experience is the Best Teacher…
Mistakes are going to happen.
My rule of thumb: As long as I learn from my mistakes, I shouldn’t beat myself up too much about them. (Sometimes this is way easier said than done!)
- I will always have busy days where I’m just not completely focused.
- There will always be days in the the year where I don’t feel 100%.
- And (correct me if you think I’m wrong? but…) there will always be that one habit of your child’s that just Drives. You. Nuts. and can push you a little over the edge at times.
It’s the truth! And as I experience these out-of-focus days, periods of physical sickness, and ridiculous habits of my children that can drive me batty - I have started to learn how to better handle them.
It seems the more I experience life as a mother, the better I am able to deal with the unexpected and unplanned for experiences that parenthood thrusts upon me.
#3: Flexibility is Key
By far, the hardest discovery for me when it comes to planning and preparing for the unknown in my life as a mother, is the ability to allow more flexibility in my life.
- I am the mom who believes in the “clean-plate-club” when in comes to finishing our dinners.
- I was once a mom who would go nowhere and do nothing if it interrupted my child’s nap time.
- And I still consider myself a mom with rules - rules that are enforced.
But shades of gray are out there. And what works for one child doesn’t always work for another. This I have also learned through ongoing education and experience.
Prior to motherhood, I would have seen flexibility as more of a weakness and inconsistency, where I now see it as a redeeming and sought-after characteristic.
My Parenting Planner
So, as I write down my to-do list and plan for our family’s next week ahead, I find myself making mental reminders to leave room in our schedule for the unknown medical emergency or last minute change.
In fact, these days, things are no longer written in pen, but in pencil to allow some flexibility.
There will be good days. There will be bad days. And there will most definitely always be days where something happens that I hadn’t planned for yet in parenting. Always.
I will forever be a “planner” and a person who is looking ahead to intercept a problem. Education, experiences, and flexibility are my only solutions for planning when I can’t really plan.
And when all else fails I try to remind myself the following:
It’s OK to ask for help…
Leave your Words of Wisdom! What have you discovered helps you to better plan for the unexpected experiences in parenthood?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
This is great - thanks for your words!
So glad you enjoyed it Susan! It is very hard not to be able to plan when I am SUCH a planner at heart!
Great post, Kate! Wow…I sure can relate. I thought I was somewhat prepared for being a mom. Most of my friends have kiddos and they have always been open about the challenges of the “job”. I was in a bit of a honeymoon phase for the first couple of month’s of Benjamin’s life but now that he is almost 5 months, I’m realizing just how much work babies are and how much of a life changer they are. I’ve always been a planner; I literally used to plan my day hour-by-hour before my little love came along. That has been the hardest for me to get used to…not being able to plan for much of anything and trying to be flexible. It’s just not my personality. But I’m learning, slowly but surely. I’m learning that the fact he slept from 7 to 5 last night does NOT mean he will sleep for 10 hours straight tonight. A mom can dream, though, right?
Oh, yes! I remember that lesson Cat:
That was one of my most frustrating lessons in flexibility and “non-planning” as a parent. Congrats that you got one night of 10 hours of sleep! Yeah!!!! And congratulations that you realize that you can’t plan on those 10 hours to continue (But don’t lose the dream! That is a good dream to have
!)
I love these - all of them! I have a hard time being flexible too, but I’ve gotten better at it - I’ve had to!
As my doctor used to tell me about potty training, “it’s a process, not a light switch.” I look at parenting that way too!
I love it:
That is a GREAT quote Missy