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It Started Out as a Great Day…
It was Friday, July 23rd, 2010. A seemingly normal day.
This particular late summer day was warm, bright, and sunny. I remember that my family spent the morning swimming at the pool, the afternoon hanging out in our backyard, and the evening was to be spent with friends at a family cookout.
FINALLY things were starting to feel back in order.
Our newborn (who was not-so-newly-born anymore) was at last starting to sleep through the night and our family was finally getting into the groove of being a 5-person family unit.
Things were going great!
And then we got the news. It came in the form of a phone call on the way to our cookout.
We needed to pick up my 3-year-old niece, because my 5-year-old nephew was being admitted to the children’s hospital for emergency brain surgery to remove a golf-ball-sized tumor in his brain.
Shock. Disbelief. Denial. Depression.
Our family dynamics immediately changed… and this did not just go away after my nephew’s surgery. In fact, we still live with it today as my now 6-year-old nephew continues his fight to recover from medulloblastoma, an aggressive form of cancer.
It is a life-changing event like this, which can really challenge anyone’s positive attitude. Staying positive as a mom can be challenging enough without throwing in extreme factors such as childhood cancer.
Fighting a Negative Attitude
Attitude, I feel, can have a direct correlation with my personal ability to parent.
Motherhood definitely has its ups and downs. But sometimes it is very hard to fight against the “down time”. And “down time” isn’t always as extreme as my struggle to deal with my nephew’s disease.
For instance…
A couple weeks ago I found myself in a rut. I had been fighting vertigo for weeks after traveling with a sinus infection. I was behind on many things due, in part, to feeling “out of sorts”. All in all, I just felt overwhelmed. Check out my post here on guilt… this would be about the time when I was at one of my all-time lows!
It is so hard to fight a negative attitude.
For someone who has always considered herself an enthusiastic, encouraging, supportive and positive person, during this time I found myself constantly complaining, continually “venting”, and endlessly feeling sorry for myself.
Changing My Perspective: The Pep Talk
One day, about 2-3 weeks into my nasty, negative rut, I finally said to myself out loud, “STOP!”
- STOP feeling sorry for myself!
- STOP feeling guilty about where and what I spend my time doing!
- AND START trying to get back to feeling happy!
(Remember that feeling? Happiness?!?)
This began my “pep” talk. We all need a pep talk every once in a while, right? You can’t solve a problem until you recognize that there is one. Now that I had recognized the problem, I was ready to fight! (Photo by Kt Ann)
5 Ways I Fight a Pessimistic Attitude
What helps me to battle the attack of a negative attitude? After I recognize that I need to move forward, here are some of the things I do, which allow me to resume and maintain a more positive, healthy outlook:
- Have Goals: Goals are important to me! They give me something to strive for. Focusing on my life goals and the things that are really important to me always has a way of adjusting my attitude.
- Have Friends: Friends are great for venting. (Remember my earlier post here on my evolution of friendships?) However, friends are also great for taking your mind off things! Ever notice how getting your mind off of a problem, can sometimes help you to better deal with the problem? When battling a pessimistic attitude I TRY VERY HARD to follow the 80/20 rule - 80% listen, 20% vent. (OK, I admit, sometimes it’s a little higher than 20% - but as I mentioned above, it’s good to have goals!)
- Take a Nap: I am the queen of the 20-minute power nap! Taking a quick nap, even if it only means closing my eyes and not completely falling asleep, can really reboot my energy and attitude!
- Do Something for Myself: Focusing on me - as selfish as it sounds - can be a BIG help! Sometimes I go work out. Occasionally (when it is nice out) I take a bike ride. Many times something as small as just taking a shower and freshening myself up makes me feel better!
- Look for Inspiration: I believe surrounding myself with others who are positive, often makes me more positive. I admit, when I am really down, hearing someone talk about how great life is going for them is not exactly what I want to hear. Nevertheless, it often beats the alternative. For me, commiserating is only a temporary “pain reliever,” not long-term relief. Finding others who have a “sunny” outlook on things helps to inspire me to also have a sunnier outlook!
Easier Said than Done
Change your perspective, stay positive and know that time usually does heal.
I continually remind myself of these three things when fighting against a negative attitude. But WE ALL KNOW that this often is much easier said then done!
It takes a really strong mother to be able to stay positive as they watch their own child fight a life-threatening disease. My sister-in-law equals One. Strong. Mother. as she strives to maintain a positive attitude for both herself and her families sake! From close-up, you would never know the challenges she faces.
It is hard to imagine being able to maintain a positive attitude in the wake of such a significant family struggle. But my sister-in-law does. And that type of strength is what inspires me to fight to keep my attitude positive!
Moms tend to hold the weight of the world on their shoulders. How does one get beyond this as a mother and not let negativity determine your life’s direction? What techniques do you use to help redirect your attitude and how important of a role do you feel keeping a positive attitude plays in being a good mother?
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m loving reading these blogs, Kate. They’ve really helped give me some perspective on what it might be like to be a mom (in six weeks!). I love your honesty. I feel like a positive attitude is so incredibly important when it comes to being a mom. I want my child to grow up with a positive outlook on life and a “can do” attitude and that has to start with the parents. I worry sometimes because I know it is going to be a major challenge to be a mom and to remain positive while also being honest with myself and my feelings. I think communication is key so if there are days when I am having a hard time being positive, I need to be open about my feelings and work through them rather than repress them. Talking through the negative moments with someone is always a good thing, in my opinion. Lord knows every parent goes through some rough times so there is bound to be someone who will be able to relate! Just having someone to share my struggles with will help me get back to being positive, knowing I’m not alone in my experience.
Thanks Cat! You are SO right when you say a positive attitude in your kids starts with a positive attitude in the parents! I mentioned in my post how “Attitude, I feel, can have a direct correlation with my personal ability to parent.” After reading your comment I also have realized how important my attitude can be to molding my own children’s attitude too! Thank you for sharing! Good luck with your upcoming delivery! And enjoy these last couple weeks as a mom-to-be!
Great Post Kate! Brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for the beautiful compliment. It means volumes coming from you:)
I meant every word of it Katie! And I am SURE you are inspiring to way more people than just me. Your strength and attitude lift so many others up.
Great Blog Kate! I too have found myself feeling negative and/or overwhelmed and I have come to realize that IT’S OK to feel this way sometimes. Don’t feel guilty over it. We are not super humans just because we are mothers. Let yourself work through it for a day or two and then start working on getting out of the funk if it just doesnt happen on its own. I also am a great believer in power napping. It does wonders for my attitude. I also have found that doing something as simple as painting my toenails can make me more cheery.
Thanks Lisa! The first and hardest step to keeping a positive attitude is always just realizing that you are in “a funk.” And you are right! We are NOT “super humans” just because we are moms… although sometimes I do feel super-human when I look back at how much I can accomplish in one day!
Thanks for the comment!
One thing I’ve learned over the years that I didn’t realize when I was younger was just how much control we can have over how we react to situations. I used to think that your temperament determined whether you would react in an optimistic or pessimistic way. But I’ve been happy to learn, partly thanks to my Mothers’ Center connections to other moms, that while we may have a natural tendency to consider the worst case scenario (that’s me - makes me feel more prepared for whatever will come), we have the power to choose our thoughts and focus our attention in a more positive way. As a mother, my choice of thought patterns affects not just me but my children and family as well so it is wonderful motivation to practice staying positive. And I do have to practice!
I too have that natural tendency to “consider the worst case scenario” in order to prepare myself. I totally agree with you, that the power is ours to choose where we focus our attention. Learning to direct my attention in a more positive way is something I strive to do and, like you, I too definitely have to practice at it! Thanks so much for your comment Linda.