Note: On Thursday, May 12, the National Association of Mothers Center hosted a webinar as part of their Parenting and Family Webinar Series entitled: Oh! How They Grow! An Adventure in Early Childhood Development. This title inspired me to reflect on my own children’s growth and development.
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”
~ Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
I could NOT agree more. Isn’t EVERY stage the “best of times” and the “worst of times?”
My kids are age 16-months, four and a half and age eight (going on eighteen). I am very curious, what is the best age? What stage is the worst? And what do I have to look forward to or be terrified by as my children grow? What do you think? Is there a perfect age and an ideal stage?
Fun at Age 1.
With a newborn I was constantly tired and always felt as though I was living on borrowed sleep and in slow motion. In contrast, age one (in my experience) is WAY more fun and much more fast-paced. Age one MUST be the perfect age! Right???
With a one-year-old I finally have back a decent night’s sleep. Thank goodness! A good night’s rest is much needed to help me keep up with my quick moving, adventurous, soon-to-be toddler.
To top it off, at age one, some of the best characteristics of an infant are still noticeably visible. For instance, my one-year-old still has his soft baby hair, a cute teddy bear tummy and bright innocent (although often mischievous) looking eyes that shine back at me when I talk to him.
Age one is fun! Nevertheless, age one takes A LOT of energy on mom’s part. For all my kids, age one has been all about seeing what is and is not off limits. (And what is off limits always seems to be way more interesting to a one-year-old!)
Now that I think about it, one is the age of locked cabinets, baby gates, plug covers and the word “No!” Furthermore, if there is a way to possibly get hurt, at age one, my little guy will find it. Good thing bumps and bruises heal quickly at this accident-prone age.
Favorite Moment: Snuggling just before bed with my little one wrapped in my arms, the warmth of his body on my shoulder and the brush of his soft hair against my cheek. (OK, I admit, just the fact that my one-year-old is contained and about to be in bed for the night - thus allowing me to somewhat relax - ALSO makes this moment even better!)
Hardest Moment: Guarding the top of the stairs (It’s a LONG, painful tumble to the bottom!)
Hmmm… maybe age one isn’t so perfect? Maybe age one is just an accident waiting to happen? Well if age one isn’t perfect, then age 4 definitely hits the mark!
“Why” 4?
The other day, as I sat putting puzzles together with my 4 1/2 year old, I thought to myself how much I LOVE this age. My husband and I are still the “apple of his eye” and his best friends. His world still revolves around his legos and his family.
Age 4 is the age when I have always found that I can start to “rationalize” with my kids. This is the age that all my children really seemed to start understanding feelings and grasping “cause and effect.” It is also the stage where my kids seem to be the most inquisitive and verbally curious and, now that I think of it, this curiosity tends to lead to a MILLION questions…
- Why can’t I have that toy?
- How does superman fly?
- Where are all the dinosaurs?
- Can I celebrate my birthday again tomorrow?
Anybody else with me that the most OVERUSED word in an four-year-old’s vocabulary has GOT to be: “Why?!?”
Favorite Moment: Breakfast in Bed (Surprise! “Homemade” Trix, banana and - because he was scared he’d spill the milk - a juice box!)
Hardest Moment: Learning he had gotten “creative” with the scissors and his hair… OF COURSE this happened before two important events: 2 days before Halloween (when he was supposed to have spiked-up hair as a surfer) and 3 days before our holiday photo shoot (which we had to cancel). I have become a master at cover-ups! (See photos below!)
Breakfast in Bed for Mom, Holiday Card Photo and Halloween Costume. (Both with hats on to cover the missing hair!)
OK. So 4 is DEFINITELY NOT the perfect age. But age eight? Age eight IS GREAT!
8 is GREAT!
No more car seat! Need I say more?
For this reason alone, I could celebrate my daughter being 8! (Although, maybe I shouldn’t celebrate too soon, as they keep adjusting the car seat laws here in Ohio!)
Eight is without doubt the ideal age!
At eight, my daughter is not only a wonderful helper with both her younger brothers, but also a big help to mommy in so many ways around the house. She can now read directions and complete her homework by herself. Yet her willingness (and need) to be independent is obvious. She enjoys spending time alone with her thoughts, listening to music or reading a book. Furthermore, I no longer need (nor does she want me) to stick around during organized athletic practices.
Yet, in hindsight, independence also can lead to arguments and limit testing. Although my eight-year-old may want to do something herself, she often still needs help and gets frustrated when she can’t complete something unassisted. Saying “No!” to an eight-year-old is very different and causes very different reactions and responses then saying “No!” to a one-year-old.
At age eight, I am also beginning to recognize and see the pendulum shift in the importance of my daughter’s friends versus the importance of her family.
Favorite Moment: Practicing piano together in the morning (Great bonding time, at least when I can convince her not to get frustrated…)
Hardest Moment: Not helping her with everything and letting her figure some things out for herself OR helping her and realizing that she doesn’t need the help… they grow way too quick…
Well… maybe eight isn’t that great??
Nine is Fine? Totally Ten? Eleven and You’re in Heaven?
The Perfect Stage? What was I thinking? In hindsight I can see that all ages and all stages are definitely not created equal. That each stage has its “best of times and worst of times.” What’s in store for me after age eight? Is there an age and stage that is the best that I am just not aware of yet? Obviously, after writing this post, I realize that I don’t have an answer… only (like my four-year-old) a million questions and a million more to come.
Which age do YOU like best? Leave a comment and share your favorite age, your favorite moments and your hardest moments as your children learn and grow!
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
With only having one, at 18 months, I can say this is my favorite age so far! He is wild, crazy and can talk but my favorite thing is he loves to cuddle and he still is a mommas boy. However, all my friends with older kids say that when their kids hit a new stage they always think this is their new favorite stage. My hardest has been lack of sleep. My son wanted to nurse every two hours for the first 6 months and then every four for the next 6 months. He is finally sleeping thur the night. Never thought we would get there.
Cuddling IS the BEST! Cherish that cuddle time Holly! That is my FAVORITE part about that age.The older they get, the less they want to snuggle and cuddle…
almost makes me want a 4th…I think I’m done at 3 kids… but once the cuddle period is over, I think I am going to go through “cuddle withdrawl”You would be surprised, Kate - sometimes my teen and even my twenty-something just want a hug and a cuddle! It’s a big, sweet surprise. I really miss the days when they snuggle right into you - sweaty after a nap - just waking up and happy to just be there- so sweet! But then I see a toddler in full tantrum mode in the supermarket - and I remember how it wasn’t actually so sweet sometimes- how very hard it is to parent a toddler. I think the trick is to grab the sweet moments and hold onto them - they got me through!
Good news indeed: “sometimes my teen and even my twenty-something just want a hug and a cuddle!” Nice to know, even though it may not be as often, that it still happens. Somewhat of a relief to know actually…
As little ones, I think every age is the best.
My four year old is KILLING me with the cuteness. She’s lost all the baby look and has this perfect little miniature female form, with long legs and an actual waistline…just kills me.
My eight year old son? Not my favorite age. Obsessed with bodily functions and insistent on playing rough all. the. time. He’s exhausting.
Your comment just shed an obvious light on a fact that I hadn’t noticed prior to writing this post! I think different stages (and whether they are good or bad ages to each parent) can be very dependent on the sex of the child. I had to laugh as I read your response, because as I tried to envision my 8-year-old girl “obsessed with bodily functions and insistent on playing rough all. the. time.” like your 8-year-old son, I couldn’t hold back my giggles! Ha! Thank you for the insight!
What a neat post!!!
Right now I only have a two year old and at every new stage I think “this is my favorite definitely my favorite!” I love having a 2 year old, though we are getting aquainted with the time out corner a bit these days and the word no. Lol but he is sooooo cute when he learns something new that I just melt regardless of how many times I’ve told him no or heard him telling me no!
I do love the fact that at 10 months he started sleeping 12 hours every night-that was & is still awesome!
Very cool post- I love how you captured the beauty of each age!
I always thought that the “terrible twos” was a myth! 3 is MUCH worse… I feel the same way about my 16-month-old as you do about your 2-year-old… he is sooooo cute, even when he is breaking my favorite photo frame or tapping out an unknown response on twitter (because he cannot get enough of my computer keypad and I can’t find a way to lock the door to my office!) I often say that he is VERY lucky that he is SO cute. LOL. Thank you for your comment Kate! Glad you enjoyed the post.
Great post! My son is 17 and I am grateful that I made a very conscious decision to enjoy every age. Every age brings with it delights and challenges. As my son entered his teens and is now driving, the challenges do get more complicated and… well, challenging. And even in the midst of the trials, I have the amazing privilege of watching this human being, this young man, become the man God created him to be.
He was delightful as a baby. Sometimes he would lay there smiling at the ceiling and I could swear he was watching the angels smile at him. As a toddler, he used to busy himself with organizing the shelves and put fallen items back in their place when we went to the grocery store (I know, a little different. Now I can’t get him to put his trash in the waste basket!) I remember his first steps and his first play and his first day at the wheel of my car (Eeeek!) And I am very grateful he still likes to hug his mom, play board games and just hang out.
Every age is great. I am blessed to have my son in my life. And one was enough for me. God bless all of you who have more!
I love looking back at (as much as I also enjoy looking forward to) certain stages. It is always fun (and a little tear jerking) to look back and remember how our kids used to react to a certain situation in comparison with how they now do. I loved hearing how your son has changed and hearing some of the stages I have yet to get to. Thank you so much for your sharing your valuable insights Catherine.
an honest and clear view of having kids! they are a mixed blessing, but a blessing none-the-less! every now and then, Kate and I wonder what the heck we’re doing having another one, but then we remember how much fun it is despite the work load. it’s totally worth it and your post really cinches this. great work!
Thanks Luke! It IS totally worth it (having kids)! I remember when my husband and I were debating having our third. And now I can’t IMAGINE our lives without him. I think that LindaJ’s comment says it best:
wow. i missed that quote. extremely well put!
Part of the fun is experiencing the different stages and figuring out what delights you and what frightens or frustrates you. I was a bit intimidated when my kids were newborn as I was nervous about reading their signals while my sister-in-law was in heaven during those early months. I really enjoyed the 1 to 2 year old stage when they really began to communicate verbally and engage in imaginative play. That lasted all the way until around 8 when their friends began to take on more importance than having a picnic on the living room floor with mom. An old friend always said that the best time is when your children are old enough to stay home without a sitter (giving you some flexibility to be a little spontaneous in getting out of the house for an errand or to do something for yourself) but not old enough to drive (giving you peace of mind that goes out the door when they’re out there operating a 2 ton vehicle.) I found that she was right and that time frame was a little easier and enjoyable for me. Kate, your post brings home the point that looking for the bright spots in each stage makes parenting that much more rewarding and fulfilling.
Linda, never thought about this stage before:
Thanks for sharing your impressions of some stages yet to come in my life as a mom!
Oh boy, to pick the perfect age… I LOVE my youngest, he is almost two and has that compact little body and is so sweet but he’s getting a temper and then the three year olds? Three has definitely been trying, they are such stinkers but they have way more self control than the baby which is nice. And then the teenager? It is great to be able to just pick up and go anywhere with her but there are moods and hormones involved, often. So really every age comes with good and bad, huh? Just please tell me 4 is easier than 3!
Four is definitely easier than three! … well, maybe… not…
It is without a doubt a much more self sufficient age though! Think potty trained, and eating with forks and spoons, and riding bikes. The glass is half full, right?! Thanks for your comment Jessica.