Now that I am a Mom, I get my OWN, personal holiday! My very own day that is meant to celebrate me. (Oh, and about a bazillion other awesome moms too!)
With that being said, when I think about Mother’s Day, the first thing I think about is not myself. The first thing that I think about is my own mom.
In my growth as a mother, it has taken me quite some time to fully comprehend myself as a parent and to recognize my title of “Mom.” (a.k.a. mommy, momma, so-in-so’s mom, etc.)
Actually, in retrospect, I think there are defined stages that a mom goes through to fully understand and see herself as a mother. Just like children have stages as they grow into adults, so must mothers as they grow into parenthood - right?
STAGE 1: What? I’m a Mom?
I remember my first Mother’s Day as a new mom. My daughter was 4 1/2 months old and I recall my surprise when I recognized that I was actually one of the people being “celebrated” during our family gathering. My first Mother’s Day celebration began stage one of my personal process to fully envision myself as a mom.
During this initial stage, though you are obviously aware that you are a mother (the lack-of-sleep-bags under your eyes and the extra baby weight still piled on your body to prove it!) you still have yet to fully grasp it. In your mind, you are still your mother’s child, not your child’s mother.
STAGE 2: Oh… I Guess… I’m the Mom.
You know the scenario. The whole extended family is gathered together for some sort of celebration - birthday, holiday, whatever! You (the mom) have started to relax a bit as your child is passed from sister, to mother, to aunt, to uncle. You think to yourself, “Wow! I can actually have a conversation!” It almost feels like B.C. (Before Children)
Now, image that you’re in the middle of a GREAT discussion, when, in the distance, you hear an annoying, and somewhat loud howl. For a brief second you think to yourself, “Will somebody PLEEZE let the dog out?”
“Wait, it’s not the dog… it’s a baby! Oh… yeah… right… it’s MY baby.”
Two things happen during this stage:
- You realize just how long it may be until you can completely finish a conversation again uninterrupted.
- You learn the important lesson that everybody wants to hold the baby, yet if the baby starts to cry it’s always momma’s turn.
STAGE 3: OK. I’m Definitely a Mom.
This third stage begins after your baby, now a toddler, starts to address you as mom. Let me clarify, your child doesn’t just say the word mom, but actually uses the word when he/she needs you or has a question, such as:
“Momma, go outside???”
“Mommy, NO bed!”
“Mommmmm, cookie PLEEZE?!?”
You now definitely begin responding to the word mom. In fact, sometimes you respond to other peoples’ kids when they scream “Mom” too!
STAGE 4: I am Mom, Hear me ROAR!
OK, you answer to mom. You respond to (and recognize) your child’s cries and know the difference between them and your pet dog. You now fully expect gifts from others on Mother’s Day! You are genuinely getting this whole “motherhood” thing down pat! You may even consider having another of these little critters who call you mom one day?
You spend your day changing diapers, occasionally (OK, more often then not) running late for your appointments, keeping potentially hazardous objects away from your child, and eyeing the clock for a sign that nap time is soon so that you can start to address the massive amount of unorganized toys thrown throughout your home. The memory of B.C. (Before Children) is becoming a little more hazy and seems a lifetime away. You ARE A MOM through and throughout!? You try not to let motherhood define you, but it often does. It’s what you do 24/7.
STAGE 5: Mom it is.
Some might think, after describing stage four above, that stage four would be the final step in fully comprehending yourself as a mom. But I disagree. I just recently discovered what I think, is one last stage in the process…
This last stage is acceptance.
- Acceptance that you may not always be on time to everything.
- Acknowledgment that you have good days and bad days as a mother and that you can’t ALWAYS keep your child from finding every potentially hazardous object in this world.
- Understanding that the dust bunnies throughout your house are the least of your worries.
- And, most importantly, confidence that your single most significant job is to love your child(ren) and that this job is ongoing and never complete.
Mother’s Day as a “Stage 5 Mom”
As a mother, I recently discovered that acceptance is also the understanding that your job as a mother isn’t determined by one single day of recognition.
Wait, what? Mother’s Day (as wonderful as it is) is not the most important day of the year? The same Mother’s Day which took me by surprise while in Stage 1 as a new mom? The same Mother’s Day from which I now fully expect (as mentioned in Stage 4) to receive a gift in appreciation of? How could this be?
The most important thing about being a mom, in my eyes, isn’t being recognized for one of the hardest, most under-appreciated, and sometimes thankless jobs there is. The most important thing about being a mom, is being able to spend time with your family and children.
This Mother’s Day, I will be spending the entire day weekend at my daughter’s soccer games and not officially celebrating myself and the other mom’s in my life. As obnoxious and irritating as this may be, it was this instance alone that finally led me to completely recognize that, without a doubt, I am not just my “mother’s child” – I am now also my own child’s mother.
Leave your comments! Everyone always says that you can’t understand what comes along with being a mom until you are one. Where are you in the above cycle? Did it take you (like me) some time to fully comprehend your motherhood? Maybe the steps don’t stop at Stage 5? Are there more stages to come?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Katie!! Love this one…as usual…you hit it on the head! I find “Mother’s Day” sort of a strange holiday…..I guess for me, I consider January 10th as MY mother’s day. That was the day I became a mother. To Jenna. That is always the day I consider MY mother’s day…in private, in my own head. Every year when we celebrate her birthday I give myself a little congratulatory hug and celebrate another year of motherhood! I still consider the first sunday in may to be a day to honor my mother and grandmother. Just another perspective, thought I’d share!
That is absolutely WHY I do this blog Christin! What a neat and interesting perspective? Thank you for sharing that!
i really liked this post and would love to see a dad version. awareness, acceptance, and action are preached in 12 step programs and your post hit every one of those. first few times is gathering the awareness that you are a mom, then accepting it, and then being too active to be anything but! a little different than the 12-step version, but the pattern fits.
love Christin’s take on the day too.
Yes! I agree… Would LOVE to see a dad version someday too! So glad you enjoyed the post Luke.
Love this post so much! You absolutely nailed it and thank goodness for stage 5 coming along. It seems to get to you when you need it most and helps you step back from the chaos and enjoy what is in front of you.
Yes! Stage 5 definitely does help you step out of the chaos a bit… Although learning to ignore chaos is a step I have not quit yet mastered
Thanks for your comment!