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Guilt.
A nasty word and emotion that I’m willing to bet most every parent has felt at one time or another.
However, finding support in a group of mothers gives one the ability to better leave the guilt where it belongs - as far away from you as possible. Today’s letter does a wonderful job of putting one mother’s guilt in perspective.
Over the past couple months on the Mothers Central Blog we have been highlighting our members in our guest post series. NAMC members have been asked to respond to the question: What would you tell your child in a letter? (Are you interested in submitting a letter? Get more details here.)
To date we have heard from members: Ginger Garner, Tatum Buckholtz, and Theresa Saumell-Fitzpatrick. Today it is Kathleen’s turn.
Kathleen Mahoney lives on Long Island with her “two Johns” - her partner John and her son John. She has a BFA from Savannah College of Art and Design, an MA from LIU Post, an MFA from Pratt Institute and (as she puts its) lots and lots of student loan debt. Currently she teaches at Nassau Community College and Molloy College as well as online for the Art Institute of Pittsburgh.
Kathleen also is an exhibiting artist. Prior to motherhood, she was an art director and still continues to freelance, including designing the newsletter for her own Mothers’ Center - the Mothers’ Center of Southwest Nassau.
Do you relate to Kathleen’s letter? Take a look… I sure do!
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To My Child,
Today, I hang my art exhibition in Valley Stream, NY.
Yesterday, I let you paint, while I worked on a commission for an office.
I am a work-at-home mom.
- When I am working and letting you watch too much television, I think I am being a bad mom.
- When my paints are on the table drying out from lack of use and we are on the floor racing, I feel like I don’t work enough.
- Then I spot the dust bunny in the corner, and think I don’t clean enough.
Nothing is ever enough.
I am so lucky that I am able to work outside the home for a few hours each week during the school year, and that my friend Andrea from my Mothers’ Center watches you. Andrea’s son is your best friend and he is a great influence. No matter what I do wrong, I know Andrea does it right. She reads to you, she brings you to the library and she brings you outside to play on the swing set.
Being a part of the Mothers’ Center has helped me realize that: there is no right answer.
Some of us moms work full time for various reasons.
Some of us stay home full time.
It’s nice to speak to another mom and find out they have the same issues I do. (Such as thinking they should be doing something else!)
Right now, I feel that I have the best of both worlds. It does not always feel that way, but…
I get to work outside the home,
I get to paint,
I get to teach you about art, and
I get to sit on the floor and indulge you in your favorite pastime, racing.
I love all these things, but I hate cleaning.
The dust bunny will have to wait.
Love Always,
Your Mother
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Leave a Comment: What part of Kathleen’s letter did you most connect with? Please join me in giving her a warm welcome by both leaving a comment on this blog post and sharing her letter with other mothers.
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Kathleen, thank you so much for contributing your letter to the Mothers Central Blog. Each word you wrote rung so true to me. Personally, following my passions outside of raising my children, has always come with some moments of guilt (and raging dust bunnies!), one of the best ways for me to move beyond that icky feeling (and un-kept house) it to remember that I am not the only one with those thoughts and naggings.
Kate,
I can’t remember where it came from, whether I read it in a book or on a website or saw it on tv, but someone said their adult children could not remember whether the house was dirty when they were young. What they did remember was the time the mom was solely engrossed in playing with them. I try to play for at least a little while every day on his terms. This is what I want him to remember when he grows up.
Best
Kathleen
I totally related to this one Kathleen. I currently work full time outside the home and when I’m at work, I’m wishing I were home. When I’m home I feel like a bad employee who should be at work! Ugh. Mommy guilt stinks
Joining my local Mothers’ Center is one of the best things I’ve ever done for ME. It’s allowed me to see I’m not alone and that we’re all doing the best we can.
I agree, the dust bunnies will have to wait, playing barbies with my favorite girl is way more important
Tatum,
I read a lot about mothers who condemn “the other side,” those who either work full time or stay home full time. What I especially love about the Mothers’ Center and the friends that I have made is that everyone is so supportive of each other, regardless of each individual situation. I couldn’t do it without them.
Best
Kathleen
What a beautiful letter Kate! Your paintings are as beautiful and inspired as your writing! We are so happy to have you on our team at the MC.
Monica,
I know you are going through the same things as me as you continue on your journey through law school. I am so impressed and inspired by you, doing all that and redesigning our website. Thank you for your kind words. It is an honor to be part of the Mothers’ Center of Southwest Nassau.
Best
Kathleen
Kathleen - Whatever guilt you feel is totally undeserved. You cannot love your child unless you love yourself first, not in a healthy way, at least. You work too hard and do too much to be guilty of anything! Compassion for self first - when we do this, we also teach our children a most important lesson. Love yourself, forgive yourself, be gentle with yourself as you are with others.
Also, get “Who Does She Think She Is?” from Netflix and watch it right away!! Then email me your thoughts. You can also watch clips on YouTube. It’s about mothers/artists and the struggle they face.
Valerie,
Being in touch with such an amazing woman is one of the wonderful perks of membership in the Mothers’ Center. I think we all strive to be better all the time, but more so when we are trying to model for our children. I am very lucky and very happy in my current situation. I just want to be sure I am always being the best person I can be for me and my child. I am going to watch the movie this evening. Thank you for the recommendation. Can not wait!!
What a great letter! I am a stay at home mom and feel the same way! I love playing with my son and always feel guilty about doing other things. I know I shouldn’t but it’s hard with the first. Plus, he is growing up so fast! I don’t want to miss anything!
Thank you for sharing your letter with us!
Jen,
I think it is common issue with moms. Trying to find the balance that works best for each of us. And everyone has a different level of balance. I think we all have to do what works best for us and support each other whatever that balance may be.
Best
Kathleen