On Friday, November 4th, the National Association of Mothers’ Centers will host the 16th Annual Work/Life Conference as a way for employers and employees alike to explore issues in the work/life integration arena. The focus of this conference inspired me to write about my own work/life experience.
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How do you effectively navigate your time between work and family?
Me… My short answer to this somewhat loaded question is this: Sometimes I don’t.
- Sometimes working makes me feel guilty even though I know it shouldn’t.
- Conversely, parenting can occasionally push me over the edge.
- And there are days when finding a “happy medium” between work and life seem far-fetched.
Since becoming a mother I have always dealt with these struggles, because I have always worked in some way, shape or form.
Sometimes I’ve worked more, sometimes less.
Sometimes I’ve worked full-time, sometimes part-time.
Sometimes I’ve worked at an office, sometimes from my home.
Right now, I work two part-time jobs: one as a college educator, and one right here at Mothers Central and with the National Association of Mothers’ Centers.
The point is, regardless of when, where, or how much I work – effectively integrating “work time” and “family time” is something I will always strive for.
How do I effectively navigate my time between my work and family?
My long answer to this is: A good work/life mix often comes to me personally when I focus on fulfillment, deal successfully with change, and remember how to break.
A Focus on Fulfillment
I always strive professionally to do what I LIKE to do.
When my professional work is fulfilling, I feel an enormous sense of pride and accomplishment from a job well done. When I like what I’m doing, I’m happier. In turn, I tend to pass that feeling of happiness off to my own family.
Similarly, as soon as this sense of pride disappears, as soon as I am no longer bringing “the joy of a job well done” home with me - that is the exact point where internally, my tension starts to build. And when tension builds with work, my tension at home tends to follow suite. (a.k.a. I tend to become a super crabby mom!)
Do I work for money? Sure. My family has financial responsibilities just like everyone else.
Is money everything? Of course not. I also work for the joy of having a career in addition to parenting.
My goal when striving for my own personal work/life mix is ideally - whenever possible - address financial responsibilities through jobs that fulfill me.
Motherhood - fulfills me. Being creative - fulfills me. When looking for new job options, I often start by looking first at a list of things I like to do. (And if all else fails, my next criteria is to look for a job that least interferes with my home life!)
Dealing with Change
For me, finding a good work/life combination is also interrelated to dealing with change. When I am able to better adjust to change, I find an increased opportunity to navigate effectively between my work and family life.
But here is the hard part: Change doesn’t ever stop.
Change doesn’t wait around for you to adjust and catch up with it. Change keeps going and going and going. (And changing and changing and changing!) And so does finding the right, personal work/life path… the path always seems to change up as your own life changes.
Coming out of a dark period, moving beyond a tragic event, adjusting to a significant life change (such as the arrival of a new baby!) - when I can get past the uncertainty of these types of changes, I am much more effective at driving towards a clearer, more attainable path in my own work and life goals.
Give Me a Break?
I often need to remember to Stop. Slow Down. And take a break sometimes. Both professionally and personally.
But taking a break is WAY easier said than done.
As a mother who also works part-time both in and out of the home, I find I am constantly multi-tasking to try and get everything done.
Even as I am typing this right now I am thinking: OK. I need to take a break.
Yet the very next thing I think is: OK, maybe I’ll go put some laundry in!?
I find I continually need to remind myself to stop and really break. When I allow myself to really break, I often accomplish more because I am fresh and rested.
Happiness - both professionally and personally - is impossible without adequate rest. (Parents know that better than anyone!) The more I remind myself to get adequate sleep at night and to occasionally give myself more than just a “laundry” break during the day, the happier I seem to be about my work and home life mix.
The Right Daily Ingredients
Finding the right ingredients to adequately blend a good work-life and a family-life, in retrospect, is such an individual thing.
These days, my mornings begin daily at, 5:30 a.m. Regardless of what the rest of my day looks like - I get up (with a large cup of coffee) to begin my work day early without any interruptions.
Yet to some people, waking up at 5:30 a.m. every day would be a deal breaker. (Even with a very large cup of coffee!)
It never fails, when I am working too much I wish I had more time with my kids. When I am only with my kids for an extended period of time, I’ll admit, I occasionally find myself longing for work.
Finding a good mix between the two can be hard!
Yet being able to effectively navigate between work and life IS possible. I’ve occasionally succeeded with the help of the tips above… but lets not sugar coat it either, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer to this question.
Ultimately, a good work/life mix relies very heavily on maintaining our own happiness.
Finding fulfillment, dealing with change, and learning to take a break are just a few my own ingredients toward building a better mix - and maintaining happiness - for myself.
What are your ingredients?
Leave a Comment. How do you strive to maintain a good mix between work and family?
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Bravo!!! You are so on target. For me, finding the right mix was always hard,as soon as I had it, it tilted to one side or another. What helped a lot was having a husband who was engaged in trying to see to my having what I wanted and needed. Not sure I was grateful enough to him at the time. I was a lucky one, for lots of us mothers it was much harder, the needed effort took it’s toll in many ways. i know,I spent many years in clinical practice and in creating mothers centers listening to mothers. I am glad this blog exists as a forum for mothers’ voices.
Lorri Slepian
I too have been so fortunate to have the help and support of all my family during my ever-changing work experiences. The support of my husband, of my parents, of my mother-in-law and of my friends - they are SO important to my success both in and out of the workforce. Building a good support system is vital in parenting - especially with the added job of working on top of parenting!
Right now I wish my work weeks were less stressful for both my husband and I. It seems to be a roller coaster and I’ll admit because of our current work situations, we aren’t up at the same time everyday which likely makes for more chaos without a set routine. My husband works from home and watches our 14 month old daughter and I work in the city. We are vigilant about having dinner together and always getting out and doing something on the weekend, at least one day. In a perfect world I’d work 4 days a week but right now as my husband says “we grunt, hug and just try to make it through the day.”
Sometimes that is all you can do: “grunt, hug and just try to make it through the day.” I know I have been through periods in my work/family life where I have just had to “grin and bear it” in order to get through something I had made a commitment to. Making time for the ones we love cannot be forgotten during these times. Good for you, that you’ve made it a priority to to have dinner together as much as possible and to get out together during the weekends. Good for you!
Nice article Kate. It couldn’t have come at a better time for me personally! I work full-time, and I find it very tough to find that balence. I’d like to say that I put my family first over work 100% of the time. However, the times I don’t usually backfire on me. When I see other moms juggling work and life “with ease” that have more children and more workload than me, I often feel guilty and somewhat lazy for venting about my own situation. I wonder how they do it and what is sacraficed- if anything- to do what they do. I agree that having a great support system and finding a career you enjoy which allows flexibility makes a world of difference. Even though I haven’t quite found the perfect fit yet careerwise, I still have hope I will…. once I stop making excuses and do something about it.
For now, I’ve found that simply saying “no thanks” to things that I truly don’t want to do that take away from the time I crave with my family is the best answer.
We all need to vent. Last Monday I had to miss my kids’ Halloween parties at school because Monday’s are the one day where I work outside of the home (teaching). I leave at 8:30 a.m. most Mondays and come home sometimes at 8:30 p.m. Sounds like a long day - BUT I get everything done in one day and it allows me way more flexibility over the rest of the week. But last Monday was NO FUN. One day - the ONLY day I have no flexibility and can’t take time off, and I had to miss out on Halloween at school and part of the trick ‘r treating that evening. We all have our times where our work and life just don’t work out and we need to complain.
Oh, and I absolutely loved your last line of advice that works for you:
So, So, true!
Thank you, Kate. Every time I read an article of yours, I find myself saying, “It’s so true.” This article was no exception. Loved it. I will be sharing it with many friends.
Lately, I have been feeling like I have hit a good groove with my balance between work and home life, largely because I am doing work that I find incredibly rewarding-I am working a dream job (for me). At the same time, I know that groovy feeling can’t last, and I will be sure to reread this article when I start to feel “unbalanced.”
I am so glad you related to the post Risa! Doing rewarding work IS definitely half the batter to a better work/life mix (in my opinion!). It is good to realize that this “balance” may not last, but definitely enjoy it while you have it!