This post is dedicated to my Mother-in-law, one of the great “other” mothers in my life.
~
I hear your footsteps down the hall. You are home again and safe.
The burdens of the day are lightened, and all the night noises …are music to my ears.
~ D. Morgan
A photo of me with my Mother-in-law at my wedding.
Every Monday morning around 8 a.m., my mother-in-law arrives at my home and immediately starts to settle in.
She hangs up her coat, opens up her laptop, and passes out the traditional donut holes for my kids’ breakfast. (Grandma’s “special” treat!) After a quick talk about the forthcoming weather and then a brief review of the day’s schedule, she moves on with her morning routine - grabbing book bags, organizing kids’ coats, gently rinsing leftover dirty dishes from the prior evening.
Meanwhile, I jet out the door - coffee in one hand, large brief case in the other. I race out to begin my one and only loooong workday away from the home as an adjunct college instructor - confidently leaving the kids with their very capable “other mother” for the day.
~
At the end of this very long day I come home exhausted to a neat and tidy house, with finished homework in book bags, packed lunches prepared for Tuesday, and three children quietly tucked into bed.
As my mother-in-law slips out of my house (that she has so lovingly cared for in my absence) I try my best to regroup from the long, draining day. On occasion, I sneak up to my children’s rooms to peek in on them as they sleep.
And it never fails - after only a day of being gone from them - my children still always look a day older to me.
Moving Forward Yet Moving Further Away…
Minute by minute. Hour by hour. Day by day. Week by week. Year by year.
We watch our kids grow. (And they grow so quickly.)
We watch as they develop from newborns (who barely open their eyes), to babies (who are just beginning to crawl), to toddlers (who can walk, then run, then jump and dance).
We observe proudly as they learn what we sometimes take for granted, such as “pumping” on a swing or maybe swimming across a pool. We often continue to watch as they take on more complex assignments like forming their own friendships and dealing with conflict and sadness.
Each step, each milestone taking them closer towards their own independence.
Each step, each milestone taking us as parents further away from their dependency.
And this is when it hits me…
Someday, eventually, I may be the “other” mother.
The change is imminent.
I hear laughter and I see tears. I fix boo boos with bandaids and a kiss. I assign “time outs” for bad behaviors and try my best at modeling and teaching my own kids how to be compassionate, hardworking and unique individuals.
And so did my mother-in-law with her own children when they were small.
Somehow, she has successfully survived this change.
And it gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, I will too.
~
The days of the week continue to fly by.
Tuesday comes and goes. Wednesday and Thursday pass by in a blur. Suddenly the weekend is here and is over just as quickly as it arrived. And again it is Monday.
Like clockwork 8 a.m. arrives, bringing with it our “other” mother, to settle in for the day.
I race out the door - coffee in one hand, large brief case in the other. Yet what I neglected to mention to you in my opening story above, is another consistency…
Almost every Monday I forget to grab breakfast.
Likewise, without fail, almost every Monday on my drive to campus I find, tucked away in my purse by my mother-in-law, an everything bagel with cream cheese (Yum! My favorite!), cut neatly and ready for on-the-go eating.
It reminds me again and again that there is one thing us mothers never forget how to do, and that is to take care of our children - even as an “other” mother.
And of course, every Monday, I silently wonder how I got so fortunate to find my own amazing “other” mother…
Leave a Comment. Sometimes I forget to reflect on my mother-in-law’s life and how hard she too has worked as a mother to got from point A to point B. What “other” mothers have played an important roll in your life?
~
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
A fond “shout out” to your other mother Kate! Given my recent far-away move, I am reminded of the necessity of creating a network of “other mothers” for both myself and my children. In my case, these woman are not family, but friends who find themselves in the same situation. We are here for each other, and each others’ children. Such a blessing as I believe it really does “take a village”.
It DOES take a village. I am so happy that you have found a great network of “other” mothers as you continue on your exciting journey with your family overseas. We miss you here in the states, but I know that I rest better knowing that you feel supported in your roll as a woman and mother overseas too! Miss you!
This is an AWESOME post Kate! How lucky you are to have some an wonderful “other mother” - I have one too!
I am lucky! I hope to learn as much as I can from my Mother-in-Law to help me some day become a good “other” mother too.
So glad you enjoyed the post Susan.
You are indeed lucky to be in this situation and to be able to publicly acknowledge your appreciation of all that your mother-in-law does to support you and your children. Mothering is so much easier when it can be shared.
Karen, I think that is one of my favorite comments:
I Love that I can share the story of my Mother-in-law’s loving actions with everyone here on Mothers Central (to help give her some kudos for a job well done). I also love that she shares some of the job of mothering my own kids with me. It can be hard sometimes to share your children (you wrongly want to think you can do it all sometimes). Yet, once I remember that it is OK to let others help, that it is OK that I can’t do it all, that is OK to share my children and their lives with other important people in my life - that is when my job as a mother seems way more productive and inclusive.
Great post Kate. The part that really got to me was your finding your breakfast bagel. So thoughtful of her to take care of you in that way when just jumping back into taking care of three children might be a bit overwhelming on its own. I too was lucky to have a wonderful mother-in-law. How many other “mothers” do we all have? My grandmothers, my aunts all played different roles for me. Thanks for prompting the memories. Wonderful story.
Every time I reread the post Linda, that last part always brings tears to my eyes. The first time I found the bagle on my way to work, my mother-in-law hadn’t told me she had put it there. I was SO relieved to have it in my purse because I was running late and was so hungry. I feel so fortunate to have her as my “mothering partner” on those days when I need to leave.
Wow! Great tribute to ur mil or “other mother” ! I proudly say that i get to enjoy her too! she has been so kind as to help me and my family out from time to time… lucky me! Still waiting on my bagel… haha! Love to her and u guys.
I can share
Consider yourself an honorary daughter-in-law (I’ll have to fill her in on this so you get your bagel now! LOL.)
It is so wonderful that you have your MIL as your “other” mother. Not all of us are so fortunate to get along or get help from that “other” mother! I am lucky enough to have a few friends who will help out in a pinch and be that “other” mother to my children but mostly I have a “other” grandma. My neighbor and I grew very close after her husband passed away and I started having coffee with her so she wouldn’t be so lonely… over the years the relationship has evolved and now we are almost like family!!!
Good for you! There are so many resources out there for highly qualified “other” mothers.
I am certain your neighbor feels just as fortunate to have you as you do to have her. Family is so much more then blood - so much more!
What a sweet post and wonderful gift of a MIL you have! Lovely!
Thanks Pamela. I thought it would be the perfect “Mothers Day Gift” for her and a wonderful way to further validate her amazing job as a mother and grandmother.
What a GREAT story! I am truly happy for you that you have such a helpful and thoughtful other mother in your life! Thanks for sharing this with all of us! xoxo I love you, Aunt Gretchen!
Thanks for stopping over Danielle (and for leaving a comment). You of all people know how truly lucky I am to have my “other” mother.
She is such an important part of our family!
This was a beautiful post-made me a little teary. How blessed you are to have such a caring,loving and thoughtful MIL!
I count my blessings everyday that my “other mother” is in our lives. So glad you enjoyed the post!